#this is the woman that got me into watching this anime btw. my number one priority always is hot women who kick ass

[niidsch]

Angel Cop (エンゼルコップ) ♦ 1989-1994

[eldritch-elrics]

i rewatched the entire ice age series and i have opinions

after rewatching some of the madagascar movies, me and @calocybe​ decided to embark on a quest to watch more animated series from our childhood. an obvious choice was ice age! so, i present to you: finn’s comprehensive ice age opinions masterpost.

read on for an in-depth review of each movie, my opinions on what the series does well (good animation, really fun chase scenes) and what it does not so well (manny is an awful protagonist), and some other things too (like my analysis of queerness in ice age)

first of all, a ranking of the five movies from best to worst:

ice age

dawn of the dinosaurs

collision course

the meltdown

continental drift

first movie

definitely the best

accidental baby acquisition…

it’s just a really good premise. three bros with completely different personalities are forced to work together towards a common goal that doesn’t even benefit any of them personally!

it’s silly and charming and well-written

diego’s arc is especially well-done and it’s easy to follow the way his personality and opinions change

my theory is that they made this movie because they wanted to show off how good they were at animating ice. most of the models and stuff are not very realistically rendered but the ice is honestly pretty impressive

honestly hilarious, has really good visual gags

one of my favorite parts is where they go into the ice cave and find like the ufo and stuff

also the baby does the vulcan hand sign at the ufo which was so subtle and REALLY funny

the ice slide scene. incredible

and then it transitions to the cave painting part with a fantastic depiction of manny’s backstory in a way that’s honestly heart-wrenching??

i wonder if the death of his own family is the cause of his annoying clinginess in later movies, especially with regards to peaches. unfortunately this never comes up again

there are some genuinely emotionally affecting moments in this movie, especially with the humans (when the human woman gives away her baby, when they return the baby to the group) - plus, kudos for conveying all that emotion with no dialogue

this is the only movie where manny’s emotional stuntedness is actually somewhat endearing rather than aggravating

this is also the movie with the most interesting villains - they feel like an especially relevant threat to the protags, and putting diego in with manny and sid creates both good tension and good humor

i wonder why the humans never came back. i think subsequent movies could have benefited from their presence, though i have no idea in what ways. not sure how they would’ve pulled it off but having the baby they rescued in the first movie appear as an adult in a later movie is a plot point that i think would have had the potential to be really powerful

second movie (the meltdown)

pretty underwhelming after the first movie

plot feels disjointed and the climax is weak

i feel like they were trying to go for this sort of found family vs nuclear family / reproductive futurism bent but didn’t entirely succeed and instead made the themes feel muddled. especially after the first movie which was all about rejecting heteronormative standards of family, having manny suddenly go “oop i’m the last mammoth better Reproduce” was a bit jarring

even if he isn’t actually the last mammoth, it feels like the wrong way to start a romance

in general the romance between ellie and manny isn’t very well-done in my opinion.

manny should’ve apologized for getting so offended when ellie freaked out about the pressure to save their species, but instead ellie apologized for “overreacting” for some reason???

number of biblical parallels: a surprising amount??

you’ve got. sid as a jesus figure to the sloth tribe, the ark saving them from the flood, scrat as moses??

the villains in this one were super boring they were just like… evil fish…

ok i’ve said too many mean things about this movie. to atone let me present this opinion: the scene where the vultures sing a parody of “food, glorious food” from oliver completely unprompted is one of the best moments in the series

also the possum brothers are wonderful

third movie (dawn of the dinosaurs)

this was my favorite as a kid!!

it’s still really good

it doesn’t take itself seriously and that’s wonderful. like… dinosaurs? in the ice age? objectively stupid plot. who cares

buck is the best character ever he’s so much fun

buck’s entire thing is also being a VERY cliche kooky adventurer but the way that they play with it and are self-aware about it makes it good

also i legitimately get chills at the scene where he explains his tragic backstory with rudy

god the romance with the female scrat is SO stupid but at least they’re clearly making fun of romantic tropes here

good team-building shenanigans, like the laughing gas sequence

there’s probably something to be said about the ways that family is portrayed in this movie but sorry i’m too busy looking at the scene where they get swallowed by a giant plant and buck has to like cut its veins like he’s diffusing a bomb

also i do need to mention that the scene where they find the carnage of sid’s attempt at feeding vegetables to the dino babies and buck goes off on his whole silly detective-shtick about what must’ve happened (“leaving broccoli… a vegetable!!!”) was my favorite scene in the series as a kid. it’s so wonderfully absurd!

there are a surprising amount of dick jokes in this movie? and by that i mean like 2 but. it’s really funny rewatching this and going “holy shit”

there’s also a joke about a butterfly dude that i’m pretty sure is a trans joke (“i knew that guy as a caterpillar! yknow, before he came out”) so that was also pretty funny

this movie parallels the first 2 by 1. having sid take care of kids and 2. having a group of creatures who copy all of sid’s wacky movements. i don’t have anything more to say i just think that’s funny

buck and rudy are kismeses send tweet

fourth movie (continental drift)

yeah okay this one’s the worst

it takes itself too seriously and that is its downfall

feels tonally off from the other ones

i saw this movie during the height of my hyperfixation on plate tectonics and i remember being very offended at the fact that they made such a mockery of the way it actually worked… :pensive:

(granted, poorly-done science is a cornerstone of ice age, so i can’t really say shit)

anyway this one really felt like a jumble of cliches. the enemies-to-lovers thing with diego! peaches’ teenager problems! manny’s troubles of raising a teenager! all the mean girls! evil pirates! sirens! woooo!

it just didn’t feel all that original and it didn’t play with the tropes like 3 did

what is it in this series with guys not apologizing for their sexism and then getting the girl anyway

also wow. damsels in distress much

sheera’s design is also such a generic “female animal” look

the ape dude was a boring villain and too much of the movie focused on the pirates

okay BUT the sea shanty scene slapped. had some good rhythm and clever lyrics

lewis was good and i’m glad he stayed friends with peaches

the water was well-animated! maybe they made this movie so they could show off how good they were at rendering water

the chipmunk creatures on the island are like knockoff minions/ewoks

in general this movie felt way less funny than the others. less punchy dialogue

fifth movie (collision course)

solidly in the middle of my movie ranking. not as good as 1 or 3, better than 2 and 4

this was my first time seeing this movie! which means that my view of it isn’t colored by nostalgia, and also that i have a lot more to say about it i guess

first of all it’s wild to see how much the animation has progressed… this one was so well-rendered wow

i liked this one a lot more than i expected to! it was a good time, and, like 3, didn’t take itself seriously, which is always great

the whole thing is built off a lot of bullshit science which offends my inner scifi nerd BUT i think they pulled it off quite well

the fact that they got neil degrasse tyson to do voiceovers is just so funny

they’ve firmly established by now that the ice age universe can fully ignore the laws of science when it wants to, especially with regards to scrat and his butterfly-effect influence on the world

okay buckle up because i have a lot to say about scrat actually.

scrat’s ability to influence the universe has been steadily increasing as the series goes on, so it made sense that he would be the catalyst for the apocalypse in this one

and also the catalyst for the creation of the solar system i guess?? which was very stupid. i say that in an endearing way. that beginning scene was super fun & wacky

absolutely brilliant way to bring the ufo from movie 1 back btw

ok so the prophecy tablet thing that buck brings back? he finds it by pressing a button with the outline of an acorn on it and that’s very interesting to me

at that point in the movie i was really invested because i thought that scrat and the protagonists were finally going to be forced to confront each other on the same level. the idea that ice age might finally break its unwritten rule of “the protags can never know scrat as the force of global change that he really is” was legitimately exciting to me, and it seemed appropriate for the last movie in the franchise

unfortunately this did not happen. scrat just keeps doing his silly scrat shenanigans

um anyway let’s talk about some of the other characters!

manny continues to suck. more on this in the “low points as a franchise” section

peaches was actually really good in this one! she’s grown out of her “teenage stereotype” phase and into a character with a believable narrative about growing up and moving out.

her boyfriend is adorable and i was surprised to discover i actually liked their relationship!

sid did not need to be paired off though. neither did diego. what is up with kids’ movies and their shallow heterosexual romances

buck is back and he is fruitier than ever

man i really like buck. he’s so silly and irreverent and flamboyant and it’s like kind of embarrassing to watch sometimes but it’s ok he’s just doing his own thing

the villains were pretty good in this one. i liked how the female dino didn’t have a stereotypically feminine design

on an entirely different topic: let’s talk about the aesthetic direction!

the scifi thing was super fun. like, absolutely wild for a series about the ice age, but whatever. i like scifi

like the whole superpower magnetism shit, especially the scene in the forest? great! especially reminiscent of the climax of the guardians of ga’hoole movie

however the whole dive into the crystal cave environment was a lil tonally dissonant and i think it should have been cut (introduced an entire new world/characters way too late in the plot and didn’t have time to develop them enough, went too far down the rabbit hole of magic healing crystals jokes and all that stuff which didn’t seem to relate to the rest of the story at all, introduced a fun but unnecessary girlfriend for sid, the time could have been better spent making fun of more scifi tropes and developing the villains)

brooke the sloth girl is just miranda from the tempest change my mind also that climax is on a similar level of stupid as that one episode from hoshi no kaabii where they deflect an an entire asteroid using uhhhh cannons i think

but it’s like. whatever. they’ve fucked around with science enough that they deserve this

also i just realized there were no chase scenes in this movie which is so sad??

so there are my thoughts on the individual movies. let’s talk about it as a whole!

high points as a franchise

this series consistently has VERY good chase scenes

just top-tier chase scenes with excellent comedic timing and general pacing

3 is so good because it has a chase as the climax, and that’s what ice age is good at

4 is bad because it doesn’t have a proper chase anywhere!

the animation is really good. by that i mean less like the models are realistic and more that they’re great at conveying emotion and body language through animation

like this is especially true in 1 if you look at the difference between the sort of smooth, not very realistic animation of the humans vs… scrat

like they’ve got the way scrat moves down so well it’s delightful

the movies are, generally, funny

there are good messages about found family, especially in the first couple

low points as a franchise

alright i had a bunch of these written out as universal truths about the series and then 5 actually improved on many of them! so here are some criticisms that apply to the first four movies only:

just… every single female character? they deserve better

too many damsels in distress

all the fat jokes about manny are so unnecessary

the romances are really boring and not very well-written or believable

okay with those out of the way here’s the real biggest issue with the series: manny is an awful protagonist

heterosexual “no fun allowed” man

they keep him sucky so he can have a fresh new character flaw to be worked on in the next movie but that seems like a bad formula for character development, especially how many of his character flaws seem to be related to mistreating the women in his life

the man’s got a major possessiveness issue

he is just the archetypical slightly shitty husband/dad who forgets the anniversary and doesn’t let his daughter see boys and calls women hysterical and yes he does get better at each of the individual problems and he does love his family but that development feels so shallow!

manny is absolutely making AITA posts and getting labeled the asshole

it also feels like he never truly learns from his mistakes. he needs to be learning to apologize properly and most importantly to communicate properly! there’s so little emotional reality to his development and the script always seems to give him the benefit of the doubt when he doesn’t deserve it.

plus, this series is meant for kids and i just don’t think manny is an appropriate or relatable protagonist for that audience?

on a mostly unrelated note, yes i do like the found family themes but when it starts pairing up every single character and implying that all of them are gonna be monogamous het couples and have kids and conform to the nuclear family model. that’s pretty sad

some more random thoughts

my dad once said that ice age fails as a franchise because the premise of the first movie was not strong enough to support sequels. i think i kind of agree - you can see in 2 they’re trying to worldbuild off what little they established in the first movie, and also set up a bigger cast of characters, while still keeping up the “man vs nature” theme that’s such a cornerstone of the series.

i’m not sure they completely succeed. the worldbuilding of ice age isn’t necessarily weak but i do think they could have done more to round out the world and make it feel less like just a prehistoric clone of ours

there’s something about the first movie that makes it feel like a moment suspended in time. we don’t learn very much about the pasts of the characters and they get enough development in one movie that we (or at least i) don’t feel any desperate need to know their futures. it feels complete!

so in all the other movies are working with a set of characters who have ostensibly completed their development. so in each new movie, they need to give the characters more problems. usually this comes from external factors, like new characters. a couple times they do a pretty good job introducing new internal problems for the characters - diego’s quest to get over his fear of water was a pretty good one i thought.

but after a while the main trio just stagnates. diego, once the most compelling character, becomes pretty boring. he doesn’t have anything to do anymore. i’ve already talked about manny - each movie he reverts back into an asshole and it gets old so fast. sid’s a little better; he’s got issues with his family and a desire for a family of his own and all that, but more often than not the conclusions to his arcs are unsatisfying

sid plays the role of the character who’s doomed to never get exactly what he wants, except, like, in a way that’s supposed to be funny. we pity him!

i think he has some archetype parallels with escargon from hoshi no kaabii (why do i keep mentioning hoshi no kaabii) but i am not going into that here oh boy

i feel like i’m juggling a lot in my head right now, but sid’s position as the comedic scapegoat is interesting. i’m sure there’s more to unpack here but i’ve already gone way too deep into this series

there’s also more to unpack when you consider his queercoding hmm

anyway, on that note…

additional thesis: sid the sloth is queer-coded

complicated relationship with family (they hate him and think he’s useless)

lispy voice

cares about “fem” things like children. takes care of kids in both movies 1 and 3. calls himself “mama”

gets pushed into the role of caring for the kid in 1

makes vaguely gay comments at his male friends, like “you have beautiful eyes” to manny

there are literally so many jokes in the first movie like. diego’s “you guys are an odd couple” to manny and sid

that whole part in 4 where he’s trying to kiss the sirens and kisses diego instead and is like “wow romantic”

not interested in the idea of a nuclear/traditional family. see his shenanigans with the dino babies

he is interested in women throughout the series though (bi rights)

5 especially tunes down the queercoding and tunes up the “awkward guy who can’t get girls” angle

so. ice age. is it fun? yes! i definitely enjoyed rewatching the series with my friend. and kids will probably get a kick out of the slapstick and silly dialogue. but if you’re not a kid and looking to (re)watch any of them, i’d probably just stick to the first one.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #462

i am way too tired to mentally flip through lyrics to put here, rip

Who in your family has been married the longest? (and how long?) I have zero idea. When did you last travel alone? Where were you going? The last time I visited Sara in Illinois. Do you take your shoes off when you come inside? Yes. What was the first color you ever dyed your hair? I think I got purple highlights? What was the first social media site you ever used? MySpace. Do you have any exes you really regret dating? One. Of all your friends & family, who has the most nicely-decorated home? Sara's house is lovely. Have you ever been catcalled? No. Are you allergic to any dogs? I might be. Have you ever touched a plant and had hives shoot up your arm? No. Do you think dragonflies are cool? Absolutely! What’s your favorite thing to draw? Meerkats!! Did you toss your hat in the air at graduation? Not high. I wanted to keep it. Do you like fudge? I CAN FUCKING DESTROY SOME FUDGE. Are you an affectionate person? Very. Name something you have to do today: Girt and I are hangin', making fun of bad Netflix anime and going to Buffalo Wild Wings. :^) Would you ever write to a death row inmate? No. People don't get on death row for no reason. I ain't got shit to say to them. Do you reckon online friendships are real? No fucking shit. Most of my most genuine friendships began online. Do you like Slipknot? Yep. Can we talk about how fuckin BADASS Corey's new mask is btw?????????? What do you think of Gorillaz? I like "Feel Good Inc." and one other song I can't remember the name of. Bow ties on guys, dorky or adorable? BOTH!!!!! :') What is the cutest Halloween costume for a baby to wear? GUYS I recently saw a picture of a little baby dressed up as a Little Oogie Boogie and it made my ovaries cry. Which of your friends is the tallest? Which of them is the shortest? Jesus, Girt is a giant. I don't know about my shortest... If you could re-paint your bedroom, what color would you choose? Pastel pink. :') What has been the best night of your life so far? Why? Probably something sexual so let's keep it on the down low lmfaooo Would you ever even think about taking part in a wet t-shirt contest? Uh, no. Even if I WAS confident in my body. Is you hair color the same as it was when you were a baby? No. It was dirty blonde. Have you ever been in trouble for being too loud? Ha, yeah, at school with friends. Not big trouble or anything, we were just hushed. Did you ever attend a wedding that was a complete disaster? No. What is something that you were surprised you were able to do? Hm. What is the most bullshit-sounding true fact that you know? Male cats have spiked penises lkasdjfal;kje;kjwr it's something to do with preventing other tomcats from mating with her. What Oreo flavor is your favorite? Gimme that Double Stuffed, friend. Sour gummy worms or plain gummy worms? SOUR. Ever been in a talent show? How many times? What did you do? Nope. Ever try out for the talent show and not make it? Did you cry? Nope. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever cried about? Y'all when I was a very little kid, during my older sister's b-day party, I sobbed because I couldn't pin the tail properly on the donkey lmaoooo How do you feel about the use of nuclear weapons? Absolutely fucking barbaric. What song has the most meaning to you? "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne. What is your favourite dinosaur? Spinosaurus!!!! :') Have you ever made bread? No. Has anything ever fallen asleep on you? Pets, a baby I was watching after, and Jason. Ever been dominated in a game you were/are really good at? yep alskdjfla;jwej Have you ever decided to set fire to something out of anger? No. Would you rather be a house pet or a wild animal? Wild animal, I guess? Have you ever listened to a group of chanting monks? I haven't. If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? Probably of Teddy. I've still yet to decide on the total design of his tribute tat I'm getting. Do you like the smell of men’s colognes better than woman’s perfumes? I think so, yeah. How mad would you be if someone copied your original work (story, poem)? I'd be pretty fuckin pissed. Have you ever blown something up in science class? Ha, no. Have you ever gotten a serious wound from shaving? Not serious, no. Have you invented anything, only to find out it actually exists? I feel like I have? Ever realize you never truly LOVED your first love? Absolutely not. I loved him. Would you want a Bachelor/Bachelorette party before you get married? Sure, sounds fun. Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else? As of very recently, I returned to using pads. I used tampons for most of my maturity, but I got annoyed with them for TMI reasons and resorted back to pads, even though I don't like them either. Have you ever dated a model? No. What is your ultimate goal in life? To die happy with my life and what I (hopefully) accomplished. What colour are the socks you’re wearing today? I’m not wearing any. Who was the last person you sent a Facebook message to and what did you say? Girt. It was something regarding how I once considered doing the suicide mission at BWW where you eat a select number of their hottest wings, but I didn't wanna die via chicken. :^) Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? I'm average in height. I wouldn't change it, nah. Especially now that Girt and I are together the ridiculous height difference is hilarious but also cute lmao. Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? Like, while I was there? No. Have you ever had casual sex? Nahhhh. What’s your favourite flavour of frosting? Chocolate. @_@ When you think of your childhood, are the memories mostly happy or sad? Mostly happy, I guess. What is it like being you? Is it enjoyable? It's very boring with few sources of joy. What are your thoughts on the cause of homosexuality? I would *assume* it's a genetic mutation. Reason being, having a romantic partnership without the ability to reproduce defies the motives of science. There is nothing, absolutely NOTHING, wrong with said (and hypothetical) genetic mutation, though. Mutations are just another part of science. They occur naturally. What subjects did you find most interesting in school? Least? Most interesting: literature/English (especially reading like, old mythology and epics and stuff like that), LOTS of branches of science (but primarily genetics), art, and I looooved my four semesters of German. Least: ANY and ALL math, history, economics, social studies... that kind of stuff. Which do you enjoy more–hot or cold beverages? Cold, for sure. What were some of your favorite bands from childhood? Green Day was one. Would you be more afraid of drowning or being buried alive? Buried alive, for sure. It would be much, much slower. Should you really be doing something more productive right now? Well, I SHOULD be sleeping. Today's going to be a long day, because when Girt comes over, he has a tendency to not leave until like fuckin midnight or later alksdjfl;waje Have you ever lived out of your car? No. Does your family own more than two houses? HUNNY we r poor. A relative just committed a very serious crime, do you turn them in? It depends on the exact crime, but odds are, yes. If you're endangering others, byyyyeeee. You’re in the woods, alone, at night…are you honestly not afraid? Bitch I'm terrified. I have zero survival skills. You are on life support, what would you want a loved one to do about it? For the love of god, please kill me. Your child has only a while to live, do you still enroll them in school? That would be up to them. Also, define "a while." How would you feel if you met your idol and they ended up being rude? WELP I have a tattoo in his honor so that would suck ass lmao According to the tale, was Eve wrong for eating and sharing the apple? "God was wrong for even setting up an apple tree and making up rules in the first place." <<<< There ya go. And the punishment was fucking ludicrously extreme. Are you working on any goals? Yes. I'm currently going to the gym regularly to try and better my physical health and then find a job. I know that being connected sounds odd, but trust me: I can barely carry out very simple tasks just because I have absolutely ZERO stamina to do almost anything. I need energy and endurance. I'm also working towards developing some self-love. Which parent named you? I wanna say my mom. Are you currently frustrated with someone? I mean, myself. Aforementioned self-love is hard. I'm just annoyed my head is so reluctant to accept that I'm not a piece of shit for a million reasons. Why have most of your past relationships ended? They all ended for different reasons, really. Are you having any online conversations, currently? I'm not. What’s on your mind? I'm just tired and going back to bed real soon. Have you ever had an argument with a teacher? No.

[tenkoscumslut]

Hawks x reader

Imma make this into a series where hawks kidnaps the reader >:3

Part 1

Warnings: Heavy abuse, mentions of trauma, self harm, alcohol, Hawks being a little bitch-, rape, pain, cheating, angst, hawks is not sangwoo btw.

Day was slowly rolling forth, you had spent all night watching anime’s once again, not even bothering to give into the desire of sleep. That was OK, as long as you could function properly nobody cared.

You sighed, leaning against the wall and staring at your phone. Texts between your boyfriend were still creeping into you, he had cheating with your mother. You let out a hefty sigh and wanted to throw your phone across the room and forget everything, forget life, pain and the burden of love.

You were about to submerge into a long session of questioning life when your boss called you. You had always found him odd, he would flex his big wings, eye you while he worked, his chest would puff up every time you walked by, but you just simplified it into his natural instincts.

You picked up the phone answering it with a happy Moshi Moshi. “Hey kiddo!”, he greeted back in a cheerful tone. You never really knew when he got your phone number, he just called you one night and you didn’t think anything of it.

“So I got something from you last night, a resignation later, Yeah?”, he asked. Your breath hitched for a second, you remember emailing him about having to quit due to personal reasons (your boyfriend), and you need some time to clear your head.

“Oh um yeah, something big happened a few days ago and I don’t feel well enough to work”, you mumbled softly. “Is that so?”, he coped, “well then, know I’m here I’d you need to talk to anyone”. And with that weird offer, the call ended. Hawks reminded you of that uncle who would hug you just a bit to lowly, or a teacher who always sat jusg a bit to close to you.

Day slowly trudged by, empty ice cream containers lay on your coffee table, followed by dried up tissues. Your eyes were red and puffy from crying for hours at a time, right now you were in absolutely in no mood for anyone to talk or even approach you.

When your phone rang you were ready to reek hellfire upon everything and everyone. It was your mother no less, the one who was destroying your relationship. When you picked up the phone to cuss her out, she cut you off with “my relationship with you boyfriend does not concern you, stop fucking weeping and grow the fuck is”. The rage you feel was going straight towards your mother.

After a long fight you were drained, emotionally drained, mentally drained, physically drained. You weren’t able to lift yourself from the couch for the rest of the night.

The next morning rolled around, you were awoken to your doorbell ringing. You groaned, trying to rub the sleep from your eyes to no avail, you still looked like a sleep deprived teenager who lives off of Monster and chocolate. You walked to the door, looking through the peephole, only seeing black.

You narrowed your eyes, Shoyo, your friend, had covered up your door in a large drawing including the peephole. You opened the door slightly, almost yelping in surprise when you saw your ex boss standing in front of your door.

Wait how did he know your address?.

Ah he probably found it through paperwork. You mumbled a small high, he smiled and waved a hello, there was a tiny wrapped gift in his hands, “how ya doing kid?”, he asked. “Mhh ok”, you hummed, leaning on the door slightly. “Can I come in?”, he asked.

You liked back, frowning when you saw your entire house to be a dump, “uhm, right now isn’t a good time”, you mumbled, scanning over the heap of literal tissues on the couch. You turned around a retailer smile showing up on your face.

His wings bristled slightly, “ah it’s ok”, he said but his voice was different, almost hostile. The mean cover soon faded, “well I just came here to drop this off, you can come anytime to pick your stuff up!”, he chirped happily. Your smile stayed on, “thank you Hawks”.

He smiled, handing you the small gift, you sent him off with a thank you. One he left you sighed and leaned against the door, staring at the mess in front of you. The first step to becoming better was to try and fix up your life.

You started to clean, throwing the tissues and buckets of ice cream away, then cleaning your couch, living room, bedroom, kitchen, bathroom. It wasn’t to hard since your apartment was pretty clean before your huge fit.

After a few hours your apartment was once again shining and you were getting ready to get a drink or just walk around in the park to try and clear your mind.

~~~

Once at the park the sun was warm and bright, th small pond was so beautiful glimmering under the sun kissed rays. There was a small coffee in your hand, knowing that you were safe here was comforting and nice. A small shadow formed behind you, a weird shape.

“Surprise!”, someone squealed, you turned around ready to sucker punch the person. You sighed in relief, it was just Hawks. You were surprised, the chances of running into such a busy man on a work day was beyond slim.

“H-Hey Hawks”, you mumbled happily, he grinned, “what a coincidence, you being here, and me being here?”, he laughed happily. You smiled, “yeah...”, your voice trialed off when you heard some comotion from behind him. A woman and man were fighting, badly.

Oh fuck. It was your mother and father, fighting over some relationship stuff. “Hey, do you mind if we talk somewhere else?”, you asked, “sure songbird!”, he chirped and set off to another place. Relief washed over you, and you followed him down the street.

[etherealellaelf]

Disney Remakes: they’re not all bad.

I submit that some of the disney live action remakes are, regrettably, a bit off. But not all of them. A lot of them are really good. Here’s why.

-Lion King did really put me off with the lack of expressions. I’m not sure if I have much to say about it, lol I’ll have to see it and let you know. Honestly though I don’t think I can because I love the original Lion King so flipping much, it’s a masterful movie and part of its mastery is the beautiful hand drawn animation and its expressive characters. I can’t think I can watch a bunch of real lions just talking. Who knows? I’ll keep you posted.

-Alice in Wonderland, one of the first of them, had some really good feminist moments. I love the Hatter and Alice’s love for each other, I guess he’s like the only human in Wonderland so it makes sense. But I get some weird ideas because the denizens of Wonderland are supposed to mirror the characters in Alice’s real life, and since the only redhead in Alice’s life is Hamish, that weirdo who asks her to marry him and he’s a total jerk.... and the Hatter is a redhead too.... idk it’s weird. Also it’s weird if he represents her dad because number one he’s dead and number two it’s incest, but the Hatter does say a few things that her dad said at the beginning....hmmm... fishy. However I feel like I can rest assured because this might just be the case of “Johnny Depp came to shoot today in a homemade cosplay and nobody can stop him because he’s just a mad genius”, in which case why do they keep letting him do that??? I don’t mind the hatter’s design, but can you imagine Just Plain Old Johnny Depp In All His Sexy Glory as a mad hatter? It would have been fine. They had to give him a gap between his teeth, CGI enlarged eyes, crazy red hair, white and pink makeup... oh well, whatever, it’s fine. I like how Underland looks a bit more like Narnia than like a Tim Burton land; I honestly don’t know if they gave him complete creative control when it came to the CGI set design. It might’ve been cool to see that.

-Cinderella was wonderful, I thought. I really love how Cinderella and the Prince interacted a lot more, falling in love over a long period of time. In fact, I feel like it was a spiritual remake of Ella Enchanted(which, in my opinion, Disney really botched up because the book was just so amazing), so they did really good in my book. My brother, however, hates that at the end she just twirls in her tower and doesn’t do anything to save herself, when in the original she tried to escape. He thinks it’s really unfeminist and he doesn’t want his daughter to act like that. I agree on that mark, but I’ll let everyone watch it. Also they threw a little bit of the Beauty and the Beast original fairy tale in there when her dad, a merchant, asks what she wants and Cinderella asks for the branch that brushes his arm or whatever; similar to a single rose, when her sisters ask for riches. I also liked the handling of Lady Tremaine; it really humanized her and I felt for her. The stepsisters were silly as per the usual. The King went from a bumbling psychopath(the cartoon) to a very melancholy, concerned father, and I cried at his death scene. Bravo, Kenneth Branagh, bravo.

-I really like all of Beauty and the Beast, although I do think that they made Lumiere & friends a little bit too important in this movie. I needed more moments between Belle and the Beast that were in the animation! Evermore was breathtaking though, let’s be honest. Although let’s be honest, I REALLY REALLY wanted to see a shirtless Dan Stevens emerge from a wall of rose petals because that sounds absolutely magical and super HOT. I’m so mad they had to redo it. Also I like the subtle crush Lefou has on Gaston; I’ve always wondered if he liked him. I do wish that Josh Gad had toned it down with his fabulousness though, because although I love fabulousness I wonder if it was slightly offensive. I really liked Gaston, and I feel like he could have gone a little bigger and with more bravado, could have been from slightly comedic to VERY comedic, but I think that’s alright. He did a great job. And as for everyone complaining about the villagers being really nasty and openly evil towards Belle, I actually liked it. It’s clear in the cartoon that the villagers whisper behind Belle’s back, but I feel like she just has a small smidgeon of an idea that they think she’s weird. In this, they freaking ATTACK her. They’re like ‘We can’t have smart bicc’s in our town! Get out me town!” It is a bit on the nose sometimes but I think it works because it helps Beast and her relate to feeling like outsiders. I do think the Beast knowing how to read kind of gave them something in common as well, but I disliked how he scoffed at her favorite book, Romeo and Juliet. I wish he had been more understanding like, “There’s this poor girl whose library is like, seven books, and amongst those seven books, one of which is probably the freaking bible because they belong to a pastor, her favorite is basically a romance. She’s not well read; I’m going to show her the classics.” Which back then was probably, like, idk, Voltaire? Too soon? Eh I’m not sure when it takes place. I do wish he’d gifted the library to her though, that was a nice gift for her in the previous movie. (Here’s the thing; the Beauty and the Beast cartoon is basically a perfect movie and I don’t think anything can live up to it, but this one was good too. It wasn’t better, but nothing can be better than that movie. Except maybe the Princess Bride or the first Pirates of the Caribbean or the stage production of Phantom of the Opera. No, not even then.)

-Dumbo? I haven’t seen it yet, I’ll have to and update this.

-Okay so Aladdin is really good. I entered the film with the meme cringe in my mind, totally expecting it to look weird and bad, but honestly Will Smith was such a great actor! And I actually freaking cried so many times because number one: the genie was aladdin’s father figure that he never had! He taught him how to date! Number two: the genie got his true love as well, and you see her and their kids at the beginning of the movie! SPOILERS btw. Sorry. Also Number three: they picked Will Smith to play the genie because he’s HITCH of course! The matchmaker extraordinaire! (I just love Will Smith. I wish he would run for president; it wouldn’t be the first time we had an actor in the white house. Just kidding, I don’t want to burden him that way, and there are really smart candidates this year to choose from. I just am urging everyone to go vote, and no more harambe crap!!!!) Also Jasmine had a nice new empowering role in this movie. I just sort of wish Jafar had been more menacing and villainous. But his actor was fine, just a bit soft-spoken.

-Lady and the Tramp- I started it on Disney+, I need to finish it. I’m halfway there. 

-Christopher Robin is a gift; it’s both simple and complex. It has a lot of nice metaphors and I could feel my heart hurting for much of the film. Seriously good aesthetics as well, Director of Photography!!! 

-The Jungle Book is a really good remake! So much excitement, and I could totally see Bill Murray in Baloo. (I think it’s equal in terms of story to the movie Mowgli, although Mowgli had that nasty little surprise at the end, I’m still hurt about it.)(also in comparing, the CGI is similarly good, but Mowgli wanted to do a really ambitious face capture thingy and I’m not sure if it worked,(uncanny) but it was interesting! It was also a lot darker. I think they’re both good.) Ben Kingsley was superb, of course, as Bagheera, as always, and he has a really fatherly voice(I thought Christian Bale did well as Bagheera as well, but he was more of an action figure in that movie, less of a father/teacher figure). And John Favreau, as always, went the extra mile to bring the action, the writing, and the moral through, and made it super good for children at the same time!(the same cannot be said about Mowgli, as there were some violence/action things that go beyond ‘peril’, hence it’s PG-13 rating) My one discrepancy was the voice of Kaa. Scarlet did fine, but I always thought of Kaa as a boy. I think they could have found a slithery voice actor for Kaa. Benedict Cumberbatch did really well as Smaug, hissing and growling, and he could have done well. I also think that Tom Hiddleston could have done a great job; he has a really gentle and pliant voice that can turn menacing in the matter of seconds, and if it’s about the snake being sexy as Scarlet Johanssen(haha what??), I think that Hiddles can bring it.(I’m not quite sure what I’m talking about at this point so I’ll shut up now.) I do feel like Mowgli started shooting way before The Jungle Book was even a glimmer in John Favreau’s eye, and that kind of makes me want to root for Mowgli because I’m sure that different movie houses have people working in both, probably swapping stories with their friends, and I’m sure it wasn’t an exact copy, but I can totally see Bill Murray in Baloo’s face and that can’t be by accident. Just saying. Not calling Disney out or anything, but I’m sure they can take it, they have like a trillion dollars. Anyway. Still a good one.

-Haven’t seen Pete’s Dragon.

-101 Dalmations, I know this shouldn’t count but it just does. I loved watching this as a child. I’m so happy they didn’t make the dogs talk? Haha it usually works when they do, but it gave a lot of room for Doctor House and Mister Weasley to interact. Also Glenn Close is great. I think this movie’s a good example of a career woman who decides to get domesticated and her sista is like, “Girl, you can’t do this! We have to be strong women! You have to come back to work!” But Anita is all, “Girl, respect my decisions! Feminism isn’t forcing your girl to be exactly like you, it’s giving me the respect to make my own decisions. If I want to have a baby with my husband, that’s fine. I want to be a mom!” I feel like the “new” 101 dalmatians remake they’re gonna make, will have a different opinion. Similar to wicked and maleficent, it’s going to humanize Cruella, but I just hope that they’re nice to Anita. She’s such a smol soft bird and if she wants 2 billion dogs and one baby, that’s fine... ugh, that’s gotta be like so much dog poop in her house... anita what are you doing...

-Maleficent. Obviously I love it. I love how those arguing fairies are super incompetent at raising Aurora because they’re too busy fighting, so Maleficent has to swoop in and rescue the princess. I like how Maleficent is a fae and it’s so sad how there’s like this rape metaphor when Stefan cuts off her wings, and that would be reason to curse his baby, especially because they were in love and he betrayed her! Stole her wings! Married someone else! T^T Maleficent, you poor misunderstood fairy! I love her motherly relationship with Aurora. I love that she’s the one who kisses her forehead to wake her up because Philip met her just that day. However, I don’t like how they just shove Philip out of the way, because Sleeping Beauty is honestly so romantic, and I love how they dance together and everything. I also like the raven boi. I ship him and Maleficent so hard and I hope he doesn’t die in the sequel, I haven’t seen it yet.

-So technically the Parent Trap is a remake. It’s awesome. It gave my childhood so much romance and prank ideas. It’s much better than its predecessor, especially because the mom in the old one is, like, urged to look prettier by her butler(wtf?!?! YOu’re FIrEd?!?). I’m so glad we’ve come so far.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. Are the remakes better? In some cases they are. I think Cinderella is better than its predecessor. I think the original Alice is very good, as a nonsense movie, and I feel like the remake is equally good, but they’re different movies with different motives and plots. The original Beauty and the Beast is my favorite and it’s perfect, so the new one isn’t better, but it is really great and I love it, too. Anyway, that’s all.

[maggotsandcream]

Behold, the bat my sister caught being taken away by the woman from animal control

Telling the whole story below the cut since it’s not like I’m going to be falling asleep soon anyways.

This started around 1 am with my sister knocking on my door telling me she thought she saw a bird flying around downstairs. Since we had a bat problem 2 years ago, I immediately knew it was not a bird. Btw, I have a huge problem with mammalian pests. I am 100% fine being the one to relocate the arthropods that show up and most I’m actually ok with leaving there to share the house, but bats, mice, raccoons, etc. freak me out. To be clear, I’m fine with them existing, I just really really don’t want them existing in my vicinity. So I told her it was a bat, shut the door and called animal control to come deal with it.

The woman from animal control informed me she wouldn’t be able to get there for 20 minutes and that I needed to be keeping an eye on it so that when she arrived she could actually find it. I told her there was no way I was leaving my room to go watch a bat flying around the house. My sister’s room shares a wall with mine and the call was on speaker so she heard and announced that she was fine with observing it. I handed out my phone (since it was the number animal control had) and she wanted my butterfly net so she got that too. Unfortunately while she was able to keep track of it for awhile, she lost track of it before the woman showed up and they weren’t going in without an eye on the animal due to covid so that bat went uncaught.

About 30 minutes passed and I needed to use the bathroom. I didn’t even get past my door, however, because the bat had come back out and was swooping around in the upstairs hallway and managed to get really close to my face. My sister was still awake at this time, but I think my scream woke up our other roommate. I slammed shut the door and the bathroom break is postponed. Ended up calling back that animal control woman and she told me again that someone needed to keep tabs on the bat and I told my sister that it would probably have to be her.

So my sister starts walking down the stairs to go looking for it and I hear her scream and then there’s a thud. I call out, “Are you ok?” and she yells back that she’s fine, but that the bat flew right at her and she hit it with the net but doesn’t know where it went after that. She kept calling back, “I don’t see it” until I put 2 and 2 together and asked if it was in the net. Yup, it was. And probably stunned. At this point our other roommate and I came out and the three of us gathered round the net and put a box on top of the net in case it woke up and figured out how to climb out.

When the animal control woman came back it actually took more time to rattle off the questions about whether any of us had covid symptoms than to put the bat in a container.

And don’t worry, the bat was definitely alive and moving around once she transferred it to the container and they do release the bats they catch that aren’t tested for rabies and this one didn’t bite anyone so it wasn’t needed. The bat is fine.

[jeanjauthor]

No Fandom Flame Wars, But...

...I am prefacing this with the statement that I am NOT going to participate in any arguments over ANY of this.  You have a right to your opinion, and I have a right to my own. Respect that.  There is NO need for a fandom flame war of any sort (and y’all will be ignored if you try to ignite one with me).  There is room for all sorts of viewpoints.

With that said...

Time for one of those Controversial Opinions™* that we keep seeing on Tumblr and Twitter, etc, ad nauseam...and here is my own (potentially very but who cares) Controversial Opinion:

I like the way The Witcher series has been plotted and filmed.

You don’t have to read any further (and I’m implementing a cut to avoid #spoilers for those who haven’t seen it yet), but that’s my take on it, and the TL;DR version of why is because The Show Is Making Me Think About All The Things In It.

This is a rare thing these days, because so much is spoon-fed to us in other shows...but I like it.  And for me...it works.

The rest is behind a cut.  Be warned, if you click the Keep Reading, you’ll be entering the *spoiler*-filled mists on those archaic medieval maps where cartographers usually put warnings like “Here Be Dragons” and such...

And yes, that IS a deliberate pun. *spoiler spoiler spoiler!* It was also a good episode, and yes, I want that tent. I just don’t want to have to transport it physically, yeesh...trust me, I KNOW how much tent that is to try to transport, the tent on the inside. (The one on the outside still requires a horse at the very least, but only one horse.). I’ve been playing around in the SCA, medieval society, for decades!

Anyway...on to why I like the series:

At first, I was hella confused. I literally had to rewind and repeat several time the scene where Renfri talks of Calanthe just having won her battle...when earlier, I’d seen Ciri telling Calanthe that “when you were my age”...  (Which, on a side note, is what I thought was the age of 14 years old. Dunno why I stuck on that number, but apparently in the chronology she’s actually 11yo, I guess, when Ciri’s storyline takes place?  Since Geralt left 12 years before, when she was still a nausea-stirring little zygote or whatever...but I digress.)

So the first episode confused me.  But holy hellz ballz, the fight scene was freaking awesome!  That was like...some grandmaster fight choreographer’s fightporn wetdream!  Every move Geralt made in the fight against Renfri’s men was believable.  Fast, realistic, hella good choreography!  ...Gross, gory, and at a few points I could see hints of the CGI used, but I was actually rather grateful to see some of the CGI, because that kept me from flinching too much...though certain scenes later on definitely made me Look Away.

[Btw, for anyone watching, #spoiler for #implied #suicide #attempts. Also, magical #cannibalism, yuck.]

Anyway, that first episode was fascinatingly good in its fight choreography, Geralt was pretty to watch, and I found myself interested in what was going on.

I’ll also admit I was confused enough to go looking for spoilers, and found some comment somewhere explaining that the different scenes were being told non-sequentially. That each different main character was in a different time period.  The post I read reassured the readers that, if we paid attention, we could figure out which stories were being told in which era, the more we went along.

THAT made sense to me...and I decided I’d give it a try...but to be honest, I wasn’t entirely wasn’t sure if they could pull it off.

I do think that is what has put a lot of people off, the way the story is initially being told, by the way.  Some people have compared it to a (grimdark) version of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys...but I really don’t think that’s a decent comparison.  Not because H:TLJ is better or worse in any way, but because it and X:WP were their own things, without consistent story-threads woven throughout each and every episode as a single tapestry.

...That’s actually a pretty good comparison.  In fact, it’s so good, let’s use this as a metaphor for the difference between the two.

This is Hercules: The Legendary Journeys as tapestry art:

Here are several different tapestries.  Each one is full of plantlife and people and animals.  Sometimes the animals are mythical, like unicorns.  Sometimes there are hunting dogs and horses.  Often times there are flowers and fruits.  A number of the tapestries have similar objects repeated over and over from one to the next...but for the most part, they are separate stories even if they have similar themes.  This is H:TLJ.  A series of separate or similar-themed tapestries.  Sometimes you’ll even get some telling a progression...but for the most part, they’re a bunch of different tapestries woven by different storytellers.

This, on the other hand, is The Witcher as a tapestry:

...Most people will recognize this as the Bayeux Tapestry (Do NOT @ me about it being technically an embroidery, not an actual woven tapestry, shush!)...but what you may not realize is that I’ve taken pieces of it from the very long single image posted on Wikipedia (located here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bayeux_Tapestry just click on the images on that page, click through, and find the really long super skinny horizontal version).

More than that, I’ve taken pieces from it, and mixed up where they come from in the chronology...but it is all still one and the same story.

These seemingly disconnected bits and pieces are like finding a bunch of chests in an old storage room in a cathedral somewhere, opening them up, and finding folded bits of cloth with magnificent images embroidered on them...but not knowing that you’ve opened the chest with panels 4-6 first, and that the next chest you open has panels 25-27, and the third chest you open has panels 13-15.  You see these images, they’re fascinating, yet they seem disjointed and unconnected...but...they’re not.

We just have to put them into the right order to tell the full tale.

This is something we don’t get in storytelling.  Not very often, at least!  The storytelling invites us to put the pieces together.  Now, I’ll freely admit they could’ve done a somewhat better job in the very first episode, and finding that spoiler-warning that the chronology is mixed up did help...but I do like to think I would’ve figured it out as I went along.

Yes, I only just started watching the series, after all 8 episodes were out of the first season (prequel season? whatever) so that all the spoilers were already out, yadda yadda.  And yes, it’ll suck having to wait for the next season.  I am not sure if they’ll keep telling the storyline in this same open-a-random-tapestry-chest fashion, but since I do know (haven’t watched it yet, but it’s next in the queue) that in the 8th episode, Geralt and Ciri finally meet (and he’s already met Yennefer), that we finally have most of the pieces spread out on the walls.

They may not be originally laid out in their proper order...but we have enough to put things in order.  And that, dear readers, fans, etc, is our job to do, in the way this story is being told.

It is not for everyone.  I freely admit it.  But it does make those of us who stick with it invest more of ourselves in the story.

We’re the archaeologist finding these treasure chests full of these tapestry stories, and we’re just now realizing that this is a HUGE SINGLE TAPESTRY, with massively intricate details...some of which are just lending color to a scene, but others of which will be referenced later, or be a foreshadowing of something to come, or a flashback of what has already occurred.

That is why I truly like how this story is being told.

It’s not something I could enjoy within each and every story across all of creation...but I don’t need a bloody Bayeux Tapestry each and every time.

I got to puzzle out some really cool things.  I got to experience several aha! moments.  I had a number of wtf was that?? moments, too...and lord knows I got plenty of delicious eye-candy.  (Also the scene of the half-paralyzed bard dropped into the midst of the orgy scene was freakin’ hilarious, because you know he was being tormented, heaven-and-hell all at one and the same time, the lustiest night of his life...and he could not participate, poor fellow.

Also, “Toss a coin to your Witcher” and the other songs are actually pretty decently done. I love the fact the actor playing Jaskier is the one actually singing these end-credit songs.

...One last thing.  Some of the people don’t appear to age.  That might give the impression that most do not...and that did lend some to the illusion of chronology confusion.  In truth, most folks in this universe do age, but they’re mostly background characters.  Calanthe and her husband showed signs of aging, Mousesack certainly aged, and Yennefer gets in a good crack at the bard about his crow’s feet, a common sign of aging, if not one instantly visible to most. (Since he doesn’t get many close-ups, you can’t tell he has crow’s feet...but neither can you not tell...so that and the quality & style of his clothes changing help tell you that he’s been aging.)

To be honest, your genetics does quite a lot to determine how “old” you will look.  I knew a woman who looked like she was 92 (roughly the age my grandmother died) when she was actually only 62 (about a year before she died).  At the same time, I knew a woman who was celebrating her 90th Birthday, but she looked like she was at most in her late 60s.

Some people don’t get grey hairs until they’re in their 60s.  Some turn grey-haired in their 20s or 30s.  When I think back on the differences in appearance for people like Calanthe, she did look younger in the earlier era scenes...and she did look older in the later era scenes.  Plus, the better your diet and exercise are, the healthier and thus younger you’ll look...so it’s expected that a queen wouldn’t age nearly as fast as a commoner.

Additionally, when you have magically modified characters who cannot age, and they’re the main / primary characters...well, we really don’t spend nearly as much time looking at the secondary & tertiary characters.  Yet they did put some effort into aging those characters appropriately.

So with that observation made, I think they did a reasonably good job...because they’re also dealing with the constraints of a production budget.  Netflix took a risk on this series.  They sunk a lot into the special effects, blood splatters, choreography, magic effects, etc.  But I think it’s also a case of deliberately obfuscating the puzzle pieces.  They didn’t go in for the overblown obviously older effects (makeup, CGI, whatever)...because they want their viewers to think about what we’re watching.

But I’ll bet that, if we go back and take a second look...we’ll see the little details of non-immortal (or at least regular lifespan) folks actually aging, if they get to appear in two different timelines.  When you have a story this large and this long, however...not everyone will get to reappear.

Anyway...that’s my Controversial Opinion™.  I genuinely like the way The Witcher has been told in its first season.  For me, it genuinely works.  I’ve had fun discovering and opening all the tapestry-boxes, and am having fun trying to fit together all the puzzle pieces of each story section so that I have the full chronology in my head.

I like the amount of time that I’ve had to invest in this story to make sense of it.

...And I especially like the use of the word “Fuck.”  If you’ve watched the series, you know which one I mean.  The one that was quietly said, in the very quiet room, in front of a whole bunch of very quiet people.

Very well said.

*applauds*

[doug2134]

"...my home is where you are..."

Welp... Let me tell you a short story, that filled with some love sparks and magic of this a truly wonderful day.

Apex Legends apartaments. Everybody have a Valentine already, except two Legends. This story about these two.

Natalie – Wattson, being very friendly and cheerfully to everybody by giving cheerful small males filled with love to everybody. She always do so, every year everybody gets these males, but only one person getting only Natalie's males.

Bloodhound, as always, was about to find some deal at this day but this year everything turned not as he expected. At morning, Bloodhound been sitting in his workshop when Wattson walked in with question. "Hey, do you have any plans for today's evening?" Bloodhound turned to her and said with some confusion in voice. "Why you're asking? Just, I got used to be lonely during every 14'th February cuz I always have things to do at this day. Also, next time, please knock before going in my workshop." Wattson turn her head to side and said a little bit embarrassed. "Ok... sorry for walking in without warning, also, I just don't know what to do this evening, cuz, everybody is having a pair for this evening (she actually never had any pair for 14th feb) and as I know, and you actually said that you're always lonely this day... So... Do you mind to spend this evening with me instead of solving your deals?" Bloodhound walked to his desk, pick up his phone, take a look there for a minute, turned to Wattson and said "Well, now you make me decide, to spend this evening in my own company or with such pretty and smart girl as you..." He turned his head to her. Wattson got really blushed cuz of his complements and looked down at the floor. Bloodhound continued "You know, I guess I'll choose the second one. So how about 18:00, in Pilots memory park near the biggest lake?" Natalie looked at him with smile and with very cheerful voice said "Of course, I will be there at 18:00 just don't get late please." Bloodhound calmly said "Oh Natalie, I'm never ever getting late when somebody's waiting me." Wattson with the same cheerful voice said "Cya at evening then." She turned away and walked out from workshop. Bloodhound stayed lonely with his thoughts. Why is she asked me? Most, I guess, weird and lonely person? Is she think I need some attention or anything like this? Well, no metter what already, I'm not against at all and will be even glad to spend evening with such interesting and pretty woman. Rest of a time before meeting Bloodhound was a little bit in tense and confused about all the situation just happend, because he truly didn't know why Wattson suddenly decided to ask exactly him to go on a walk together.

At 18:00 Wattson already been waiting Bloodhound on a spot. She has been sitting on a bench, in red hoodie and white cargo pants that been looking like a jeenz, it actually suits her, when somebody walked up to bench and sat next to her. It was a man, 27 years old man wich asked with not so deep but it sounded like this person been smoking for good couple years. "So what, are we going on a walk or will just sit here and talk about something?" He looked at her with question in eyes. Wattson turned to him and said "I'm sorry, do I know you?" Bloodhound with a little smile on his face said "Oh of course you do, just this time I don't wear any mask" He smirked to her a little bit. Wattson looked at him with confused eyes and just realised – it's a Bloodhound and she never saw him without mask. He had a brown-red pupils, surpraisly his face looked like standart human face but with a little bit different colour of skin, it had a light grey colour mixed with pink. His hair had a brown colour they looked pretty soft tho. He had couple wrinkles on his forehead. His eyes also had a lot of life inside but also you could see that he've seen a lot of shit. He was wearing a coat with a big collar made out of some animal fur. "Oh... Wow." She said "is it really you Hound?" BH nodded to her with smile and said "Yep, that's me, I guess you didn't expect that I will look and sound this way without my mask?" Wattson with some fun smile said "Heh, yes, you're right, you look good by the way." Bloodhound chuckled to it and answered "Thank you, btw I see you without your hood and I have a question, why are you hiding this really good looking hairstyle under it?" Wattson got embarrassed and looked down with smile. BH continued "So what? Let's go on a walk?" He got up from bench and gave hand to Wattson. She nodded to him with cute smile, correct her hair with hand and got up from bench. Wattson and BH went on a bridge across the lake in park, they stopped in the middle of it and Wattson asked "Where did you came from? I mean, wich planet or star system is your home?" BH wrapped his arm around Wattson's waist, pulled her closer to him, leaned forward a bit and point on bright star in clear night sky "This one" he said, "T-5894 as people call it, but I call it «Home»" He let her out from hug and leaned on bridge's wooden handrails. He looked up in skies, right on his «Home». Wattson came up to him and gentle took his hand. She asked him "Do you miss it?" BH just nod and after couple seconds of silence said "I'm... I'm staying lonely this day every year, to go to highest hill in our city, just to sit there and look at sky and think of my home. So this is why I'm always lonely at 14'th Feb." After some silence, Wattson said to him, quiet and pretty shy "I can spend this day with you if you want, just like we're doing it now." BH turned his head to Wattson and said "But, hey, you shouldn't do so if you don't want, I'm ful-" Wattson interrupted him "I just don't like to see you with sad face..." She blushed but kept her eyes on BH's face. BH got really surprised and even confused by this phrase and didn't know what to answer. Wattson got worried and said quickly "I mean, uh, I mean, I just don't like to see anyone from you all being sad, so I just do my best, but... If you wish, then we can spend every 14th February together since now." BH smiled a little and took her both hands "Thank you" he said "I appreciate it and let's do so, I'm not against it at all." After he done, Wattson smiled wide to him and even jumped on a spot a little bit. She said with happy voice "Sure, I'm not against and will be only glad about it."

After this evening, they started to communicate more often, start trying to always be in a same team and during all fights, BH been protecting Wattson like a wolf that fights for his life and Wattson been protecting BH like his personal archangel. They never been separating from each other and been spending most of a time together. After hardest wound that Wattson got, she lost one of her arms, BH been helping to her about reabelitating, always was around her and surrounded her with support and been looking for her. He even said once "Even if no one will be able to help you, you always have my number and can call me anytime you need. I always able to help you Natalie."

One year later. 14th Feb.

BH been standing in workshop when Wattson walked in. She covered his eyes with hands and whispered on his ear "Guess who?~" BH smiled "Oh maybe this is my partner for whole today's day?" He heard quiet chuckle behind and turned to her. She hugged him close and asked "So, will meet in Park at evening?" BH made fake sad face and said "Oooh, but I already bought such a good pork yesterday and it's only need to be cooked." Wattson looked at him with question on face "So, you want to invite me on a date?" BH kept silence for a second and said "Well, yes. Are you up for it?" She answered "Well~ I will think about your invitation. Spoiler. I will come, just say when~" BH smirked to her and said "18:00, you should be front of my door, deal?" Natalie answered "Deal~"

Whole day before Natalie came, BH been preparing and cooking pork and got so tired that accidentally fell asleep, he woke up by Natalie's call on a phone. With sleepy voice he said "Yes my dear?" Natalie said "You're ok there Houndy?" BH said "Yes, why are you asking?" She said "Cuz I'm ringing already fifth time in your door." BH quickly ran up and opened the door "Natalie, I'm so sorry I guess I just fell asleep and... *Sniff sniff* ...PORK!" He ran up to the oven, turned it off and open to see a fully coaled pork. He moaned thro mental pain very loud and sat down at the table and put his head down on it and covered it with hands. At this moment Natalie has walked in kitchen and seen all of it. She came up to him and said the gentlest way she could "Hey houndy, it's not the end of a world, spit on this pork c'mon, I'm not disapoint." BH with sadly face got up on elbows and said "I just wanted to make romantic dinner to warm you up and impress with it, but fucked up as always" Natalie smiled very warm and quietly said "Hey, I need only you to have romantic dinner, even if there won't be actual dinner." BH smiled after she said it, got up and gentle hugged her. He took her hands and looked in her eyes. She smiled back to him. BH gentle put one hand on her cheek and pat it with thumb, he leaned forward and kissed her another cheek. "Always wanted to do so." Natalie smiled with wide open eyes, jumped on a spot and wrap her arms around BH's neck and kissed him in lips. BH wasn't expecting that and even stepped away when she leaned on him but kept up a kiss. They been kissing for a good minute and after their lips got separated. Natalie said with smile "Hey, if you have another peace of pork we can cook it together now" BH smiled to her and said "Yeah, let's do so my dear." After good couple hours pork finally been cooked and they been laying down on couch and watching TV together. Natalie been laying down in BH's hug. Suddenly she got up and said "Hey, follow me" she went on a balcony, BH followed her. When he walked on balcony he noticed Natalie that been looking in the sky. He came up to her, wrap hand around her waist and said gentle and quiet "Where are you watching my dear?" She point him on not so bright but green star. "At my «Home» my planet calls Solas." BH asked "Do you miss it?" She looked down on streets of a city and said "Yes. I do..." BH looked at her, smiled a little bit. "You remember, a year ago, you asked me the same?" She smiled and said "Yes I do." BH stepped closer, took her hand gentle and said "Now, I realize one simple thing..." He rised his eyes and looked right in her eyes "...my home, is where you are Natalie. Because when you close to me, when you're giving me your attention, I feel most comfortable and happy. When you nearby, all my nervous, difficulties and problems are going away, my mind not bothered by anything that usually do it. Everyday I think of you, about, how good it'll be, to spend one more second, minute, hour, day, life... with you and I'm sorry if it seems like I'm trying to be annoying sometimes, I just want some time with you as I said. I'm, I'm really happy to have such girl like you in my life, even tho we only began. So, I guess all this facts are pointing on that I love you, right? It's interesting feeling tho, so, yes, I love you Natalie, most strongest way I can." Natalie's cheeks been covered with traces of tears, she was crying out of happiness, nobody ever been telling such words to her, till this moment. She hugged BH and snuggled in his chest and said "Then... *sniff* ...my home, is where you are my love." She looked up at him and saw full of happiness eyes that been filled with tears. They couldn't hide their true feelings to each other anymore. Since this day, nothing and nobody could get them apart. Nothing and Nobody...

...This is OUR happy story...

Wattson peaking out from door "Hey, my love, what are you doing here?" BH turned to her and wanted to say but Wattson started first "Ah, writting what you've started couple days ago." BH started "Yes my dear, btw, we have a match in an hour, so go and get ready sweetheart" he smiled to her over the shoulder and came back to writting.

...I wanted to say, here's "the happy end", but, I hope and guess, this is only a beginning of OUR story.

I love you dear. Till the end of my time here. My home, is where you are.

@spiritfoxarts this is my gift to you. I know it's pretty small out of all I could make and I'm so sorry for this, but I hope you would like it. Also, I wanted to say that you're amazing person I've ever known, I hope it's only a beginning of our big together story with you. I love you very strong. Happy Valentine's day my dear.

[praphit]

Batman, Cults, and me in Red Latex

Getting back to my roots of writing here! No movie to speak of; just pure rambling!

I started writing way back in the MySpace days. I'd get insomnia, and so stay up and ramble about stuff while drinking rum - which in retrospect is prob a lil reckless:) I found that was the way to go for me - maybe that could be the way for some  of you as well, if you ever struggle with such a thing. 

Writing and rum, baby! 

And if you're under the legal drinking age, just tell your parents that the praphit says it's ok. 

And if the police somehow get involved, tell them... 

Nah, wait, don't mention me... say some random, rambling, black dude said it was ok. And if they ask "Was this "random black dude" the rambling praphit on Tumblr, tell them "Noooooo, he actaully said to... NEVER DRINK... EVER. And that you officers are doing an ok job out there."

Writing and rum!

It works!

Like I said, I don't have a movie this time around; I'm not even sure how I started writing about movies.

I guess I could have gone with "The Lion King"

Which btw can we talk about this scam Disney is running? - telling the same story in a live-action package. And with this one it's still animated; it's not like it's done like one of those "Planet Earth" type shows - THAT would be interesting. I remember watching a clip of a lion eating a zebra, while the zebra was STILL ALIVE! The zebra wasn't even fighting back or crying out anymore... it had totally given up, as if the lion was devouring the zebra's soul and will to live with each juicy, bloody bite. Hey, Elton John, sing a song to that. #circleoflife

What if they followed real wild animals around in Africa, and watched the true circle of life. You could have the actors/team improvise the script depending on what's happening, and due voice-over. I feel like with real animals,  the "Hakuna Matata" scene might go differently.

I'm not shaming anyone for going and enjoying these movies. I had a plan to see "Aladdin", but somehow ended up seeing "Child's Play" instead 

(funniest movie I've seen all year btw). 

I might still go see Aladdin. BUT, it's still a scam. Toss in a lil controversy every now and then with the casting to inflate numbers... that mouse knows what he's doing. It's a good scam! What's next? - telling the same stories, but using puppets... sock puppets; that would be a new low.

But, somehow I feel like we'd still flock to the theatres. We love that Mouse!

I don't blame him. Kinda makes me want to run some type of scam within in music (my industry). What would be the music equivalent of what Disney is doing? I don't think that there is one. Anytime you change a song a lil bit, it's totally changed. 

If I decided to do a cover set of Miley Cyrus songs, exactly the same way that she did them, it would still be totally different. Btw, if I ever do that, please stop me. It'd be clearly a cry for help. Imagine if I started mimicking every vid she ever did as well - same choreography and outfit. 

Don't imagine that.

I guess artists put out remastered stuff sometimes, but I feel like those never sell.

...

...

Sorry, I'm distracted... still thinking about redoing Miley's vids.

I DO have a wig that matches what she has going on there (you don’t need to know why:) , and red sunglasses.

And how about me rockin some red latex??! Yeah! 

Nah, I wouldn’t do it. Only cuz I think that the chafing would be too intense, OR maybe I’ll like the way it looks and feels too much, and decide that’s simply going to be my regular look from now on... making everyone around me uncomfortable... with my intense sexiness. Don’t imagine that either; it may be too sexy from some:)

Ugh... is the fact that I'm even joking about it a cry for help?

The industry for an artist is the real scam. The music industry always wins. The game is rigged. That's why I've been thinking that we musicians should all go on strike. Everyone in music would have to be in on it though. 

Imagine your life with no music:

- no playlists (though that would have to involve some serious hacking, but imagine road trips without them) - no music in movies or shows - no sexy music to get into "the mood" - y'all would have to sing to each other -  Though I guess Aladdin and Jasmine got down like that, so y'all might be ok. New mating ritual.

- no background music anywhere you go (festivals, restaurants, strip clubs:) - we won't even sell any instruments NOTHING! Gotta go extreme sometimes to make people listen.

Maybe we'll toss people a song every now and then out of mercy. But, we'd only allow annoying songs - "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls

"My Humps" by BEP :)

It would take true power to make that happen.

I had thought about ruling the world once. I had a plan to take over the world; it was actually in motion. Yep! It would have worked too, cuz no one would have seen it coming. You would no longer call me your rambling praphit, but OVERLORD!

Like I said, no one would have seen it coming. 

Thanos... and whoever tried to dominate in Justice League in that movie. What was his name? Idk, no one cares, he was terrible. Those guys went too big. You've gotta Keyser Soze it! Play chess, not... Idk, professional wrestling.

I stopped my plans because I figured that I'd just get bored. I get bored easily. Ask anyone I work with - there are times when I'll just leave and go to the movies, or the mall, or the bar, or... on some sort of quest:) Sometimes, I'll dump a project all together cuz I'm simply not feeling it anymore.

Now, DESTROYING the world, THAT seems like it'd keep my attention. Don't worry, I wouldn't hurt the people... unless they stood in my way.

I'd make sure to ship them off to... Saturn or something... can we live on Saturn? Hmm... maybe I'll need to get help with that part of my plan. So, maybe I WILL still take over the world. Once I'm bored ruling after like a week, I'll get my man Elon Musk to ship y'all off to a planet safely, and then the fun begins!

I imagine that there'll be some resistance, though Idk why. Let's be honest, this planet is doomed anyway. We can fight about how and why, but... c'mon we all know it'll eventually burn out. So, just let me have my fun! I'll make sure that there's plenty of big screens wherever Elon sends you to for my big show:)

But, if people want to fight their first and last Awesome Master Overlord on it (I think the "Awesome Master" in the front is better, don't you?), then we can go.

You won't stand a chance though. I'll have all of the best action stars fighting by my side. That's right MY SIDE. They're used to winning; what you think they're gonna fight with you? Psssh, I'll have all of the weapons and tech... plus I'm sure I'll be some type of cyborg, mutant... wizard as well.

But, I'll also have Keanu, Statham, Denzel, Liam, The Rock... I'm realizing that the action hero world is very male dominated. I'll fix that once I'm your Awesome Master Boombastic Overlord. Which woman can I put on my team?

How about Rihanna? 

Yeaaaaaah...

I know what you're thinking - that I could have found a more... suitable pic. Annnnnd you're right.

JUST LET ME HAVE THIS! I mean look at her... DAMN!

FINE!

Scratch that. Rihanna’s not really an action hero anyway, I guess... at least not that type of action. Ooooooh! Haaaaaaa!

No?

C’mon, that’s funny

Whatever. I’ll move on.

The strongest woman in many respects that I can think of off the top of my rum filled brain is Serena Williams. So, we'll say her,

Amanda Nunes ( who doesn't get enough credit for how awesome she is btw)

Megan Rapinoe? I don't know if she can fight or not, but she's tough. I feel like if I put the arsenal of Rambo at her feet, she could save the day all day!

Annnnnnd Alyssa Milano? Idk her stance on violence or guns (though I'm sure she'd have no problem letting me know:) So Idk about her fighting, but she's resourceful though... maybe use the power of sex strikes or something.

(She’s like “Keep on joking and see what happens.”)

Where was I??

I don't remember.

I did want to address those chants from a week ago though "Send Her Back!" I’ve actually been thinking about this for a while, but those chants brought it back fresh to me.

Don't worry, I won't be getting into the politics surrounding it. - I mean what's the point? We never listen to each other anyway. I just want to say this, I have a lot of experience when it comes to cults (I know this seems like it's irrelevant, but stay with me) -

I know cults (don't ask, why let me horrify you:)

But, there are a handful of things that are foundational in cults. I'll bring up two of them:

1) Having a leader (or leaders) who is more concerned with their vision than they are about their people. So, the individuals pain, loss, abandonment, etc means nothing in comparison to their plan.

2) Having people who are all in on a person, ideal, or cause, to the point that they no longer care about the details of what leaders say, do, or sometimes don't do.

Now, the people described above aren't always meaning to be malicious. For example #1 - I've known many pastors who are good people, pure hearted, I might even call them friends in some respects, but they're blinded by their own vision (or "God's vision for them"). They're not trying to hurt others, but they do.

And #2 - they're are certainly people of admirable zeal in a variety of areas (ex. patriotism). They might not be "bad people", they might even think their position is righteous, but when we start to ignore facts, harmful behaviors... when we make ANY person (all of us being imperfect) a symbol of our "righteous cause", we've lost our way.

It's scary (especially being a minority) to see a whole nation exhibit these tendecies. And this is me being gracious (prob due to the rum I keep drinking).

BUT, enough of that... there's something else that is heavy on my heart - BATMAN (our next one that is)

Cuz... I mean... really?

Robbie P?

That's a damn shame! Nobody else wanted to play Batman? We've got the pretty boy, emo, glittery, vamp? What has he done since then? What has he done that has ever been intimidating? Even as a vamp he was lame.

And the Winter Soldier wants to play the Riddler? I don’t think that’ll happen or if the Riddler will even be in the next Batman. But, let’s say that it did. Wouldn’t it feel like they got those two roles mixed up? 

I don't even think Robbie P is intimidating enough to play The Riddler honestly. Sebastian Stan (Winter Soldier) is kinda ripped right? 

He's gonna have to lose some of that muscle before he goes up against Robbie P. I can see right now - The Riddler planning out an elaborate puzzle/trap for Batman, then seeing that it's Robbie, and being like "what do I need theses riddles for?" and then beating the living snot out of Batman. It'll be a worse beating than Bane gave him. 

Filled with rage cuz he knows HE would make a much better Batman.

Now, to be fair, I was wrong about Ben Affleck. I actually liked Ben's take on the role. It made me long for a more old, grizzled, out-of-touch Batman - hear me out:

I'm thinking old Batman, but kinda hulked out. Is Stone Cold Steve Austin still around and kickin to play this Batman?

  Gimme a hell yeah!

But, this Batman I'm envisioning is stuck in the old wmindsets of misogyny and racism - stay with me, cuz this will be an awesome Batman... well, movie... and awesome Batman MOVIE:)

To balance Batman out and keep the angry Twitter mob away from him, he'll have a team of "wokeness". Batwoman will be played by AOC.

Robin will be played by Jimmy Kimmel (you know you want to see him in those tights).

And Alfred's last wish in his will (after being mauled to death by a pack of bunnies... in the first scene of this movie) was to have his brain put inside of the body of a black woman. And that black woman will be Beyonce (cuz this movie will need a kick ass soundtrack).

Think about THAT sitch!

Annnnnd Ben Carson will play himself - he'll be Batman's token black friend/informant.

Already, the best movie ever.

I could see a scene going down like (Bats and the Woke Gang are in a bar... cuz my Batman will be an alcoholic... this Bats has a lot of problems, but he'll be real and raw... YES!)

Batman (after having the waitress bring him two more shots of whiskey, slaps her on the butt and says "Thanks, Sweetness.")

WokeTeam: "Batman! You can't do OR say that!"

B: "What?! Why?!"

WT: "It's ...just awful."

B: "What? If I don't smack her on the butt, how will she know that she did a good job? I'm being helpful!"

WT: (lots of arguing)

B: "Ok, ok, I won't do that... or call her that I guess... how about lil lady? is that ok? or Sugar Plum?"

WT: "Her name is Lisa"

B: "I got it! BIG BOOTY"

WT: "What is wrong with you? - that's ridiculous! Look, we'll deal with that later. Let's hurry up and get to the crime scene. And on the way we want to talk to you about the confederate flag on the Batmobile...annnnnd the Kaepernick sticker that calls him a Son of a Bitch"

B: "Why? He hates America. And there's nothing wrong with that flag!"

WT: "Bu, Batman..."

B: "No, no, I know there isn't, let me call Ben."

Sooooo, there are scenes like that, BUT he's also out there kicking major ass! It'll be like "Matrix" action meets "Sin City" action. And we'll update the villains -

Bump N Grinder

Fyre Man

 and his side kick “The Sucker”

“The Comedian?” (that question mark is part of her name)

Keep the classics of course

Annnnd his arch nemesis Iggy Azalea 

- ruining Hiphop wherever she goes.

And in the end asses are BRUTALLY kicked, sure, but Batman also learns some important lessons... or... or simply blows his brains out. Cuz let's be honest, some of us would rather blow our brains out than try to change.

Hey, DC... call me.

My next movie will prob be "Once Upon a time in Hollywood" 

cuz of my main man Leo! - though idk about the premise. Now, if they were making "Fight Club 2" with this cast, then definitely! What if Leo and Margot Robbie (who’s also in this) are also in Edward Norton’s head; duking it out. YES! Imagine if Quentin Tarantino directed Fight Club with his typical bloody style; we’d all still be horrified). 

So maybe "Hobbs & Shaw" 

 - those two of course, but Idris Elba is in that too! I love him!

He would have been a great Batman! I bet he could have gotten that role if he had tried. He def could have gotten that James Bond role if he had tried. But, nope, instead he decided to do "Cats"

I'll leave y'all on that thought.

[daveslutstaine]

So I was tagged by @no-its-jimmy @theslumberofthebeast @the-sinniest-of-binniest @sturmxundxdrang and @motleycruesixx to answer 21 questions, but because I'm really behind on these tag games (I'm really sorry for that btw but life has been... Like That ya feel?) So I'm gonna do @polska-tankietka questions, as well as @mottokuro and @pierrotquinn and @damageincs and @louder-than-love since a lot of the questions are basically repeat questions. Thank you you precious people 💖 love ya

Nickname: Andy

Zodiac: Virgo

Height: 5'2 (157.8 cm I believe)

Last movie I saw: Bandersnatch. It's fucking amazing tbh

Last thing I Googled: 5'2 in cm

Favorite musician: Dave Mustaine, Ronnie James Dio, Tony Iommi, Till Lindemann, Scott Ian, and Chuck Schuldner

Song Stuck in my head: it's a bizarre mix of "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen and "Story To Tell" by Death

Other blogs: @ithirstforpapa being my ghost blog and @acornflakewithadream being my Rammstein blog. They're barely active and idk what to do with them tbh

Do I get asks: yeah and I appreciate everyone who sends me asks uwu

Following: ?????? Like 800 I think

Amount of time I sleep: like 8-6 on a good day

Lucky number: don't have one

What I'm wearing: my Batman onesie since it's cold as fuck and all my pj pants are in the laundry

Dream job: Guitarist

Dream Trip: Venice Italy

Favorite food: enchiladas, sopes, chorizo tacos, and pancakes too!

Play any instruments: Guitar. I might go back to playing violin again but I'm not too sure at the moment

Languages: Spanish and English but I'm also learning German

Favorite songs: Atm it's "Catch The Rainbow" by Rainbow, "In My Darkest Hour" by Megadeth, "Dust In The Wind" by Kansas, and "NIB" by Black Sabbath

Random fact: Despite the fact that I don't listen to this band, I have an old cd from my childhood that my mom gave me of a band I used to love called Conjunto Primavera and it's of their greatest hits. I don't listen to it but I like having it for nostalgic reasons

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: records lying all over the damn floor with the record player playing some thrash metal, battle vests complete with studs and spikes, bullet belts and leather jackets, spiky arm bands, guitars, lit candles, wallet chains, Sanrio stationary, abandoned places, and soft blue/pink/purple lights

Gender: Woman

Sexuality: Bisexual

Hogwarts house: last time I checked I got Ravenclaw

Favorite animal: I fucking adore Water Bears/Axolotls/Tigers

Number of blankets I sleep with: 3

Where I'm from: tornado alley also known as Oklahoma in the USA

When I created this account: sometime in early 2014

Why I created it: an old friend dragged me into this hell and I haven't gotten out since then

Followers: 652

What color and style is your hair? My hair is currently three different colors since I'm not bothering with dying it. The top is dark brown, the middle is a dark red, and the bottom is blonde. I almost always have my hair down and it's a little bit past my shoulders.

What color are your eyes? A really dark brown that they look black

Do you wear glasses? Yeah and I can't see clearly without them. My eyes are incredibly fucked but because they both have different issues (one near sighted and the other far sighted) I almost see double with my glasses

Do you wear braces: I probably should but nah

What is your fashion style? Typical 80s thrasher mixed in with a little bit of punk and goth

Full name: mmm I don't feel comfy giving that info out so just stick to my nickname plz

When were you born: in September

Where are you from and were do you live now? The United States and I'm ain't going anywhere else to live

What school do you go to? I graduated already so none

What kind of student are you? I was the type of student that was clearly dying yet is somewhat functional, and somehow doing fantastic in their studies

Do you like school? Kinda

What are your favorite school subjects? I really liked my medical terms/anatomy classes

Favorite TV shows: I'm a slut for Black Mirror and Bojack Horseman

Favorite books: "A Light We Cannot See" by Anthony Doerr

Favorite pass time? Playing guitar, listening to music, and watching Dave Mustaine interviews

Do you have any regrets? Oh boy you have no idea. There is one regret that to this day upsets me and thats letting other people control me for their happiness and not doing more to stop it

Would you like to get married? Mmmm, I'm not sure honestly. On one hand I think marriage is unnecessary and I can just live happily with my partner without it and it's just a fucking ton of stress to deal with the planning and shit, but on the other hand, I guess it would be nice. Idk I'll see what happens

Would you like to have kids someday? Yeah actually! I'd love to be a mom!

How many? The max number is 3. Any less than that is okay but any more than 3 is a big no from me chief

Do you like shopping? It depends really. If I'm out shopping for cds/vinyls then yeah that's pretty fun. Band shirts? Also fun! Other types of clothing? :(

What other countries have you visited? Mexico to see my relatives. My family and I really want to go again sometime soon but it's pretty dangerous rn especially since we have to cross what I call a no go zone. That and we can't afford to go anyway

Are you named after anyone? Nah

When was the last time I cried? Uhhhh I almost cried while listening to "When The Smoke Is Going Down" by Scorpions last week if that counts. Idk man I can't cry much these days

Do you use sarcasm enough? Sometimes.

What's the first thing you notice about people: their eyes, voices, and the air they give off

Scary movie or happy ending? Spooky scary uwu

Any special talent: I'm a good cook if that counts

Do you have any pets? Nah. If I ever do get a pet though, I'd love to have a scorpion! I fucking love arachnids, especially scorpions

What sports do you play? No thanks I hate sports

I'll now tag @everyones-idol-goro @dirtgrub @toomcflyforawhiteguy @runnin-with-the-devill @metalslutt @davesjames @lonelydayinpurgatory and anyone else who wants to participate

[rosered282]

*taps microphone* hewwo? this thing on?

I got tagged by the lovely @livlepretre (congrats on the wedding btw!) for this answer 22 questions and tag 22 people you want to get to know better so here we go!

Nickname(s): Rosie- I go by this on here, my mom also calls me Rosie, and also Rosie-cosy-oli-olio but Rosie is fine lol

Zodiac sign: Taurus (I am as stubborn and lazy as you can get, truly the perfect example of this star sign)

Height: 5'9-5′10 (FUN FACT: I am taller than both my brother and my mother, I was taller than them when I was like 15-16 and they both HATE it, especially my brother because he’s the older sibling)

Last movie I saw: At home: I just watched the Fyre documentary on Netflix and I feel so bad for the people on Great Exhuma that Billy what's his face ripped off, although I’m glad to hear that the woman who catered the event out of her own pocket was able to make back the money she lost thanks to online donations. At the theater: The Kid Who Would Be King, tbh it’s a good movie but I was too old for it, entertaining but best for kids

Last thing I googled: The masked singer results lol, I knew it was Tori Spelling!

Favorite musician: It changes with the seasons but rn it’s Hozier, I love Movement sooooooo much like it’s become my favorite of his songs, and I’m so pumped for his album in March

Song stuck in my head: Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie, I watched Bohemian Rhapsody the other day and now I have a lot of queen stuck in my head but this is the one that’s stuck today

Other blogs: I want to do more blogs but I don’t like the side blog feature and I’d have to keep SO many emails and passwords together so instead you get literally everything condensed on this blog :)

Following now: I’m still following a lot of people that I was following when I made this blog, which was in 2014 I think? And back then I was into Dragon Age and they were Dragon Age centric blogs but they shifted through the times and so have I but they mostly post memes and stuff (I love memes) so its not that big of a deal. But there’s aesthetic blogs that I follow, so many Star Wars blogs, some Dragon Age blogs and Harry Potter blogs, game of thrones (although more ASoIaF and there is a difference) literally 1 LotR blog and some comic artists, I think the numbers at 150 blogs that I’m following?

Followers: Hello all my 320-ish followers! How many of you are inactive? How many of you are pornbots? How many of you literally don’t know who I am and are wondering how I got onto your dashboard (I hacked you obviously)? 

Amount of sleep I get: 8-9 hours usually, I’ve gone without no sleep before and I’ve slept for 12 hours but I do enjoy my 8 hours, nine makes me feel groggy

Lucky numbers: idk man, I’ve never really focused on it, is it like numbers you like?? Are you assigned them?? How do you keep track of good numbers do you like write them down??

What I’m wearing: Currently wearing jeans and my R2D2 t-shirt, I was wearing my converse but I took them off when I got back from class

Dream job: A writer, I love writing but I’m paranoid I’m not good enough to make it as a professional one. And maybe a traveling photographer, there’s so many things that I’d want to capture forever

Dream trip: hmmmmmm..... *strokes fake beard pensively*, I’d honestly just love to go around the world, there’s so many different places that I’m fascinated by and think are absolutely AMAZING but I’ll narrow the field a bit. In the country: I’d wanna visit the Salt Flats in Bonneville, they’re so pretty!!! Maybe swing down to the Grand Canyon while I’m at it ;) Out of the Country: Puerto Vallarta w/ my bestie, she has family down there and spent a few years down there as a kid and from what she tells me it was amazing, I totally would love to go, it’s such a beautiful city. Out of the Continent: Italy, I love Italian food and roman history, every time I see a photo of Italy I'm just like “where is my private villa in Tuscany?”

Favorite food: Italian! But that's what I go to for comfort food and stuff but I recently just tried Indian food (I know, I know, look I was a stubborn kid and I liked what I liked and I didn’t like trying new things) and I loved it (at least minus cilantro and coriander *CURSE YOU MOTHER FOR GIVING ME THE SOAP CILANTRO GENE*) so butter chicken has become a new fav

Instruments: I knew piano when I was younger *stares wistfully at my keyboard in my closet* but I have NO idea how to play now, I am a halfway decent singer tho (I was in my hs choir for 3 years, elementary school for like 4 I think?)

Languages: English and the smallest bit of French and Japanese. I can’t speak either very well but a few sentences but I can read both somewhat decently (never got to Kanji tho in Japanese so I can’t really READ Japanese)

Favorite songs: Okay lets see, Movement and NFWMB by Hozier, Left Hand Free by Alt-J, Carter and Cash by Tor Miller, I like most of Hayley Kiyoko’s stuff but Feelings is a fav rn, Burning Down The House by Talking Heads, Dancing in The Dark by Hot Chip (seriously love this one), Homewrecker by Marina (no longer And The Diamonds), Boyfriend by Teagan and Sara, Midnight City by M83, heavydirtysoul and The Hype by twentyonepilots, Gooey by Glass Animals (I love most of their stuff but this one is a fav, also Poplar St), Feels Good to Be High and Surrender by Walk The Moon

Random fact: the guy who invented frisbees asked to be turned into one when he died. I also just learned to snap last year and will periodically snap just to be sure that I haven’t forgotten how to do it

Aesthetic: Thick warms blankets, hazy light from a lampshade, the sprinkle of rain at midnight after a cloudy day, the smell of fresh baked bread. The sound of wind rustling through old redwoods, stars peaking through the branches of trees at night. The dead grass in a graveyard, fingers brushing through hair, burning firewood and the thick choking smoke that follows beauty

Tagging: uhhhhhhhhhhhhh @brains0nt0ast, @lyannas, @bloomgemstonia, @fettuccine-alfreylo and whichever the rest of you guys wants to do it?? Don’t feel pressured

[we-pay-for-everything]

Rant the 6 friends's characters from good to worst?

Hmm... It's been a minute since I last watched the show. Numbers 1 and 6 are easy but the rest...

Rachel: Best character, hands down. She had the best arc on the show, and Jennifer Aniston did a wonderful job playing Rachel. She could be vain, selfish, dramatic, insensitive, but Jennifer always emphasized the best in Rachel, making her feel relatable, approachable, warm, compassionate, and not just another mean girl type-character (imo, this was something Lisa Kudrow failed to do as Phoebe).

Ross: Listen, I hate Ross and Rachel, and Ross is douche at least 70% of the time, but he's also fucking hilarious. No character made me laugh like Ross did (I'm laughing just remembering that episode where he got a nice, orange tan because he counted 3 seconds like 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi instead of 1-2-3). He also grew up a bit imo. He wasn't perfect at all, and there were many times when I hated him, but I think he showed some improvement. Also, I think David Schwimmer was the funniest actor on the cast. He wasn't afraid to act, and look, completely pathetic all the time, and the writers really played it up. As the seasons progressed, Ross grew became even more ridiculous and unserious, which is why, coincidentally, he became so funny, and more likable.

= (tied)

Monica: Monica is a bit of a mixed bag for me. On the one hand, she's the character I relate to the most - and not just because we share a name, she's definitely type A like me - and I think she could be really sweet and lovable. She was a great friend and sister. She was optimistic and always tried so hard. Her earnestness was cute. Courtney Cox did a good job striking a balance between lovable and neurotic. She was neurotic, but that made her relatable and also led to some hilarious situations. (Unrelated, but her and Ross's dance routine was one of the funniest things to come out of that show). On the other hand, sometimes I didn't find her particularly funny or interesting, and she could be a bit insensitive (like all characters, tbh). Still, I mostly like her a lot, though I can be a bit indifferent towards her...

= (tied)

Joey: Like Rachel, he also had a good arc, eventually becoming much more than a sexist womanizer. Despite everything, Joey was a sweet person, and his relationship with Rachel proved it. He was funny and cute too, endearing (but not particularly layered or exciting, I think).

Chandler: I think he was the first character I loved. Initially, he was super relatable and funny, but I think his character got progressively worse, like he regressed. It's sad, but I think that after he started dating Monica the writers kind of lost the plot with him (I'm not blaming Monica or Mondler for this, btw).

Phoebe: At first, I liked Phoebe, but I kind of can't stand her now. She's rude, hypocritical, mean, even arrogant, and, sadly, she has few redeeming qualities. I don't find her particularly funny or endearing. I think Lisa Kudrow always comes across as aloof and cold, and she seems to have been typecast to always play blunt characters who speak their mind with no consideration for other people's feelings. Phoebe's "quirky", "raw", "not like the other girls (or boys)" personality is so try-hard and unrelatable. She's the type of character I don't like at all, and I think Lisa didn't help the character feel more grounded or human. You can find my rants against Phoebe on my blog. As a vegan, I was personally offended by her "I'm vegetarian because I like animals... until I get pregnant and want meat (for some reason)". The writers clearly thought being a vegetarian was something quirky, weird, and not to be taken seriously...

Thanks for the ask! You made me want to rewatch Friends!

[aquarianlights]

It's okay to be.

Although the death of loved ones will shake the very foundational base of any soul home.

It is because the crave for physical hugs and reassuring words of comfort.

When they leave this world through physical form they are not entirely gone. They are here with us always with the ability to visit freely as we would them at their homes.

It’s okay to cry, to vent, to relive memories of your special moments. But do not live in the past and the ghost of someone who wouldn’t want you to torture yourself. Although your grieving process is your own. Surround yourself with loved ones and friends who understand and have loved n lived through it.

It’s easy to tell another what to do and not. But the purest truth is to follow your heart and be kind to yourself as your password love one would want you to be.

I hope this helps you. As they helped you throughout life.

Response from Killian: Thank you so much for this. I really appreciate this. You don’t have to read all of this. But this is for you and for everyone and then for you again, if you do. I really, REALLY needed to vent and really, really needed a distraction and, well, everyone knows what helps me the most, yeah? Whining, bitching, and ranting/tangents. It’s the one and only thing that keeps me from acting on my life threatening impulses. So. . .here is the product of the venting that just saved me from myself. Enjoi or don’t. Thank you so much for the note. I appreciate it, fam. This response is mostly for everyone on my followers list, btw. I, personally, believe in reincarnation based on our karma. My entire spirituality revolves around the afterlife and the theory of reincarnation and different planes of existence and nonlinear time and linear time coexisting. But at the same time, I also believe in spirits, ghosts, entities, and all things falling within the paranormal realm as I have had numerous experiences with them. But I do believe that the entities that still haunt this linear existence on our planet are trapped here because their karma was either at 0 when they died and not at a positive or negative number, which means that the fate aliens didn’t know whether to demote or promote them and are evaluating their linear timeline. OR. . .there is no room in the place that they have to demote or promote them to and no parallel timelines are appropriate for them. So they are playing a waiting game. And on a rare occasion, the demonic spirits that are here that have enough energy force to actually move things and hurt animals and people. . .those are people who have done such horrific things that their karma was so far in the negatives that they could not be forgiven and were not allowed another chance and are now rooted here on this hell planet for all of eternity with all of the positive energy and positive karma they accumulated from birth to death sucked out completely so that they are truly left to suffer---all alone with their own malice, unable to actually converse with or be touched by anyone ever again. I cannot think of another instance in which it would be appropriate for someone to be locked into this existence or in the purgatory stage where they have to wait and wait and wait as this noncorporeal spirit coexisting with corporeal beings until they can progress to a higher level of existence either on their current planet or a different planet or be demoted to a lower species on their current planet or on a different planet. It’s always rare to be born as the same species on the same planet. That would be very strange and make no sense with the laws of karma unless you had a pure 0 karma that you had somehow managed to balance out in the fate aliens eyes right before you died. No negative numbers or positive numbers in existence for you anymore. Everything cancelled out by doing good deeds for all the bad you’ve done thus far and making sure not to do TOO many good deeds and to balance out the good with the bad and so on and so forth. Which is close to impossible while living your life. Which is why I truly think the fate aliens would keep these people with leveled out to 0 karma in a purgatory stagnant state as a spirit for a while until they figured out whether to do the taboo thing and reincarnate them as the same species on the same planet and everything be the same. . .or to do something normal and push them up to a higher plane but only like. . .one level higher and barely higher. Maybe even keep them as the same species on the same planet, but make them have a much brighter future and a much nicer life, which is always a possibility with karma. When you progress to a new species with a new planet, you’ll always have a better life. And when you get demoted, you’ll always have a worse life. It just works that way. It always has. And it keeps going and going until YOU become the omnipotent, noncorporeal alien that controls all of non-linear time and controls all of the fate aliens that control all of the linear time and you are literally the highest level of existence possible and there is nothing higher and you just exist outside of time and there is no concept of time and you exist forever and always and never and everywhere and no where all simultaneously.

Those are just the basics of my beliefs.

And they have a scientific basis to them in many instances, but I won’t go into that. I wanted to explain that BECAUSE. . .

You said they aren’t really gone when they are physically gone, right? And that they have the ability to visit us as freely as we used to be able to visit them in their home, right?

I am under the impression that you meant through spirits, like. . .say, through feeling their presence even when they are not there. Through talking aloud to them and something happening and just somehow knowing it was them responding in some way because it is something they would do (ie; knocking over a certain picture of someone when you’re talking to them about them to remind you how much they don’t like them).

Stuff like that is what I mean by feeling their presence. You know what I mean, right? I don’t have to elaborate, yeah?

You aren’t talking about, say, through prayer or, uh. . .guardian angel or any of that religious bullshit, right? Because, uh, you must not have known me or looked through my blog for even 2 seconds if you’re suggesting anything christian/baptist/catholic/etc based. And I’m gonna be highly offended if you or anyone else suggests I pray to them when they’re gone or that they’re watching over me from heaven or that they’re better now with “god” or that they’re my “guardian angels” now and they are always watching over me. Like, oh hell no, don’t anyone fucking say that while this shit is going on because I will get set the fuck off and I will attack anyone who says that shit. I won’t get offended in the least if anyone says they are praying for me or they’re sending me prayers and that they’re including my grandparents in their weekly service or something. Anything of that nature is actually highly comforting to me and makes me feel very at ease and happy and respected and loved. But the SECOND someone tries to force their beliefs on me and just assume like all christians/baptists/catholics/etc do that everyone will love to hear that shit and be comforted by the “they’re in heaven now/god has them/they’re your guardian angels” bullshit. . .I will fucking snap and attack them. Those three things (and I’m sure other things that I haven’t thought of, too, along with the “you should pray to them” thing) are the LEAST comforting things I could possibly be told during all of this.

1. I absolutely do NOT want my grandparents to be in heaven, if there were such a place. I do not believe there is, but if there were, then there would be every form of every beliefs afterlife available and up for the choosing when you died. You’d just go to some sort of grim reaper who is a sorter and tell them which afterlife you believe in and you’d be put into that version of the afterlife, the good or bad or neutral depending on what your ending karma is, unless you believe we disintegrate into nothingness, then, of course, there is only one ending. But if my grandparents were to go to heaven, that would fucking be it. They would never get another linear existence. They would never get another chance to find happiness. Do you know the chances of people like my grandparents who were high school sweethearts, laid eyes on each other and had love at first sight, have been married for over 70 years, will die happily married to each other and never once have been unhappy together and it wasn’t fake at all. . .do you know the chances of people like that becoming partners again in their second life if they get sorted onto the same planet and are similar enough species (both humanoid or both animal or something like that)??? It’s high. EXTREMELY high. I want them to have the chance to fall in love all over again and live a brand new life on a brand new world and see brand new things. My grandma was raised by an alcoholic and was beat all the time growing up. My grandfather is as bigoted as they come and is insanely ignorant and never went to college. My grandmother never even got her drivers license and that is something she has always regretted. I want them to get the chance to live better lives. I want my grandmother to have parents or parental figure(s) she deserves as the kind, loving, amazing woman she was before Alzheimer’s. I want her to be able to go far in life and get achievements that she couldn’t make in this life because she got pregnant with my mother so early in life and they couldn’t afford to send my grandma to school because they were growing up during the great depression. My grandparents got married right after high school and had 8 kids. My grandma was a GREAT mother and did everything possible for them and sent them all to school and those who wanted to go to college or trade schools, she sent them. She helped them every way she could. My grandfather worked very hard and built houses everywhere and he loved it and was very good at it, but growing up in such a rough, terrible, long ago time and being as white as they come and being raised by people who grew up in an even MORE white era, he has always been your typical ignorant, says and does whatever he wants, bigoted, hateful towards everyone that isn’t white as well as women, white man. I do not want him to go to heaven because I want him to learn his fucking lesson and get his ass kicked by being knocked down a peg. I want him to have his karma so low that he gets demoted. He wouldn’t move out of their house so late because of the fact that “I’m the man!! I need to take care of my wife!! It’s MY house!!! I don’t care that I have dementia and can’t take care of her properly! Hurr durr I am a manly man and these are my manly man responsibilities!!!” and since he only had dementia and not Alzheimer’s, he was their power of attorney and wouldn’t give everything up. It wasn’t until he drove his car into a gas station pump while trying to go somewhere in Massachusetts for the millionth time (he lives in Florida, but my whole family is from MA and I’m the only “southerner” who polluted the blood line by being born and raised in Florida and only coming up to our home state of MA in the summers) that they finally saw something and he got his license taken away. But then it wasn’t until my grandma FELL after not being able to get out of the chair for days because she wasn’t talking, wasn’t eating, wasn’t able to go to the bathroom except on herself, couldn’t get changed, couldn’t hold herself up and was sliding out of the chair, etc etc etc coz we thought the Alzheimer’s had progressed so badly. All of their workers had quit because my grandpa was a terror at trying to take care of her “right”. And then it wasn’t until she ACTUALLY FELL that he called 911 and they took them both to the hospital and they found out he had advanced lung cancer and they both had a UTI, but hers was severe enough to cause her to almost die and they rechecked my grandma’s breast cancer and it had progressed. SO. . .they were FINALLY taken to a home by adult protective services. And he was fucking mad about that! And I need him to just be knocked the fuck down a peg in his next life because I am so goddamn sick of his bitching and whining about black people and looking down on women who have jobs and looking down on my generation because we can actually think for ourselves and him always watching the fucking news like my father and getting all of his political information from the corrupt sources there and spreading fake news and actually corrupting the polls and making the rest of us suffer by going to vote and also his inherent HATRED for the LGBT community. . . And I am going to have to DIE without either of them knowing I am transgender. Because I was too scared to come out to either of them before my grandma got dementia. My grandpa probably wouldn’t know what it was. And my grandma wouldn’t either. But I would want them to listen and understand and know that I’m going to be getting gender correction hormones that will change everything about me to correct who I am. And I wanted them to BE HERE to see the end result. . . . but I guess this shows me that I DO want to go through with HRT before my parents die. I thought about holding off until my parents die to do HRT, but this confirms that I need to do it before they die so that they can meet their son and know who he really is before they die. I don’t want them to die without actually knowing me. If my grandparents went to this fake fucking paradise called heaven, there would be nothing forever and, frankly, the stagnancy of forever in heaven with nothing to strive for sounds like my worst nightmare. To have everything that I could ever want is my worst fucking nightmare and my own personal hell and I wouldn’t wish that pain on my worst enemy. Sure, it’s great for a little while. . .but for an infinite amount of time that drags on and NEVER ends. . .??? That would be the worst and I would end up hurting myself just to FEEL something other than that euphoria that they describe. Just like in the movies where there are drugs and stuff that are manufactured at birth to be ingrained in humans that force them to experience nothing except happiness their entire life and have nothing except happy memories and have a filter in their mind that filter out any bad memories they may accidentally acquire and erase them. . . . there ends up being a HUGE black market that EVERYONE partakes in (even law enforcement) for bad memories and drugs that will make you feel angry and sad and depressed and suicidal and upset and confused and stressed and all sorts of things OTHER than euphoric. That is what heaven is. . .the worst place imaginable. I would not wish that on my worst fucking enemy, nevertheless on people I LOVE. The ONLY person I would EVER wish that on would be Trump. That is how much I hate that orange blob. And I would want it to be televised for all of eternity for everyone to see the constant breakdowns and struggles and eventual going insane. I would only wish that kind of inane punishment on the most evil person on the planet: Trump.

2. To say “god has them” scares me. It downright scares me because I see the catholic/baptist/christian god as this scary, horrifying omnipotent presence who is cruel af to everyone and will punish everyone without mercy and without discerning who is deserving of punishment and who isn’t (noah’s ark, anyone? before you [note: these are all general yous, not personal yous] jump on me, if you all don’t know me... which, ...if you’re reading this and you ARE going to jump on me... you probably SHOULD know me first...lmao... you don’t wanna jump on a stranger and look stupid by being horribly wrong about this. . .but before you jump on me, I grew up and was raised roman catholic. i went to a private catholic school for almost all of my adolescent life right into my teenage years. I have not only read the entire bible, I have been forced to pick that horrible fictitious book apart piece by piece in religion classes over the years as I grew up. So don’t go telling me I need to read the fuckin’ bible just because you’re gonna be big mad about me having opinions that are harshly different than yours lol). This guy is someone who will usually not answer prayers and who will rape people, impregnate them, leave them with the child to tend for it themselves and not pitch in AT ALL. . . (not even gonna pay child support, my home boy? damn cmon fam). . .and will gladly allow everyone to be mass manipulated and will not stop them from using his/her name for horrible, horrible things when he clearly should have the power to do so. And what about his other son who he fucking betrayed and banished? Yeah, fuck this guy (or girl). And he apparently traps all these people up in this horrible place for eternity and gives them no options except to be happy and have all the things so that they have nothing to strive for and nothing to want for. . .nothing to keep them going, nothing to ever feel, no reason for existing, no reason for waking up, no reason to be happy except for the fact that you do feel happy and it’s all wrong for so many reasons that I don’t even want to elaborate any further because I’m going to get a fucking panic attack thinking about it because if I start to convince myself of the possibility that all afterlives are real---which means heaven is real and that is the ONLY way heaven can be real is if they are ALL real from EVERY belief---then this fucking awful place exists and tons and tons of people have fallen for the trap and are literally trapped there forever and ever and ever. . .and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. And because my mom’s side of the family is all catholic. . .they will all choose that afterlife, too, when presented with the choice of what afterlife to choose. . .oh god oh god oh god. . .my mom. . .my mom would choose heaven. . .oh god oh god oh god. . .I don’t want to think of them all suffering like that. That is the ultimate version of suffering. I can’t even imagine. . .oh my god. I need to stop. Immediately. Moving on......

3. To say my grandparents are my guardian angels is just...... wrong. I would not want a guardian angel. Ever. I used to find this creepy even when I was a sheltered, ignorant, brainwashed little catholic schoolboy. I felt it was so goddamn creepy when my parents and the priests and nuns at school (our classes were taught by nuns and our dean was a priest) would all say that “[x] guardian angel is watching over you so you need to make them proud by being on your best behaviour. But when you get into trouble, don’t hesitate to say a prayer to them. They will save you.” That was like. . .big brother stuff to me before I had even read 1984 or ANYTHING Orwellian in general yet. It was big brother before I knew what big brother actually was. It was scary and intimidating. It was like I was being watched all the time and I couldn’t have a moments peace and I couldn’t be alone ever. I always felt eyes on me and I could never move around or talk to the voices in my head or the hallucinations I saw like I needed to (which were always both thought to be imaginary friends by everyone, including counselors and my parents, until I got older and they never went away and more appeared and everything became much more vivid and frequent). It was torture. Christmas has always been my all-time favourite time of year because it was the one and only time my parents wouldn’t do anything bad to me ever and were over-the-top kind to me and loving and it was like they were totally different people in front of our entire family and friends. It was so much fun being with everyone, seeing all the sparkly lights, playing with friends, fireplace, the cold weather finally getting there, decorating the tree, decorating cookies, presents, stockings, festivities. . .so many things!! But you know what was always awful about Christmas when I was little and still believed? Santa Clause. It felt like he was some guardian angel watching over me for that entire month. On the 1st of December every year, I would become hyper-paranoid and hyper-aware of every movement I made, everything I said, everything I did, and every interaction I had. It was awful. It was torture. That’s what it feels like to have a guardian angel. Pressure. Constant pressure. And then I’m always thinking about them, too. Like. . .don’t they have better things to do than just constantly watch me? What, are they just sitting there all day and all night with binoculars way up there looking down at me unblinkingly? Are they right by my side as a noncorporeal orb of energy waiting to defend me at any turn? Whatever it may be, I feel like I am being watched 24/7. And it feels like I’m not the only one because they have to be watching over other people they were close to, too, right? So, how do they do it? I overthink it and get panicky and end up talking to them no matter where I am and I end up having breakdowns and/or panic attacks. And with no valium left to calm me down. . .I have nothing!! For fucks sake. Hearing my grandparents may be magically turned into slaves. . .that’s not something I look forward to. What, so. . .they get two options. They either get to be eternally happy and do nothing for eternity. . .or they get to be eternally happy and be a slave to the system of heaven as a guardian angel for eternity. Hmmmmm. Choose your poison, I guess! Fuck heaven and the concept of heaven. Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it.

SO. . .as you all can see. . .those three things are EXTREMELY unsettling to me and TRUST ME when I say that, YES, I see the alternatives and the way that you people who worship/believe look at it. I know. I’ve been there. I was that brainwashed little roman catholic boy for the longest time. I was roman catholic for more of my life thus far than I have been my current spirituality which is my own that I do not have a name for since it is no particular religion or belief system and involves a LOT of different beliefs from belief systems around the world, as well as stuff I’ve discovered from my own experiences, as well as stuff from science. The stuff I’ve put down here are only regarding the afterlife and are only the bare skeleton basics of what I believe. But, TRUST ME, I know the opposing side. I don’t need any of it explained to me and IF IT IS EXPLAINED TO ME, whoever does it will be promptly ignored and blocked (and, yes, I can block anonymous people) unless you are just being SO ridiculous and SO stupid and SO ludicrous that I have to post it so that my 4k+ followers can all get a laugh out of it like I did. I’ll be sure to get a laugh out of all the religious nuts in my inbox after all of this is said and done, but I’m sure I will ignore most of them. But if one strikes me as PARTICULARLY hilariously ludicrous, I will be sure to post it for everyone so that you can all laugh with me. I promise. I won’t let you guys down. Haha. But I do not need it explained because, frankly, I could probably explain it a LOT better than any of you. But I would explain it in some words that are, er. . .not very pretty. :) So you all do not want me to explain it. Trust me. Trust me. TRUST ME.

*****And trust me when I say...... EVEN IF YOU EXPLAIN IT TO DEATH TO ME, IT WILL DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING EXCEPT MAKE ME HATE YOU AND HATE WHICHEVER RELIGION [read: cult] YOU ARE A PART OF AS WELL AS MY FORMER RELIGION [that cult being catholicism] EVEN MORE THAN I ALREADY DO. It will do nothing more than make me have an even deeper hatred for religions everywhere and it will certainly reinforce the idea that people who believe in these things are generally horrible people who want to force their beliefs on me. You can bring a horse to water, but you can’t force it to fucking drink, bitches.*****

SO

Back to the topic on hand.....................

I SAY ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL OF THAT.............................

Because

I do not think my grandparents would still be present. And I say all of THAT and explain all of that in detail [the 1, 2, 3 thing] because I wanted to make it VERY clear to EVERYONE here because the vast majority of my followers are not people who speak to me on the daily like people on FB do, so you all do not know my trigger point with religion and how bad flashbacks happen the second anyone forces their beliefs on me in general or the second anyone forces their beliefs on me during a tragedy/painful time. I will lash out and instantly attack ANYONE who does anything like that and I wanted to make it HYPER-CLEAR for everyone and ANYONE that that is a thing with me and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to get that off my chest. . . . . .Venting is the only way I survive through things. I always need to vent in order to not harm myself and to not off myself. Writing ALL of this out allows me to write the pain off and to keep my impulses at bay and really think about things before acting on these horrific self destructive impulses.

So I really do need to write all of this AND post it. Otherwise it’s not fulfilling if I just erase it. Then the pain comes back. If no one reads it, then the pain comes back.

ANYWAYS. . .

I don’t think my grandparents would still be present for even a little while because I think they’re going to be promoted to the next planet and I know my grandma is going to be a humanoid species and is going to have a better life than she did here. . .but idk about my grandpa. I hope to fuck they find each other again. I really, really do. Their love is strong enough to transcend the boundaries of reincarnation. Or maybe my grandpa will be reincarnated on that planet as a domestic animal of some sort and my grandma will adopt him (or her if he gets reincarnated as a girl) and she (or he if she gets reincarnated as a boy . . .or maybe they have third or fourth sexes on this planet? or maybe only one sex? hmmm) will live happily by herself with her animal that is my grandpa and they will just have this special bond that you hear of in journal articles and they will live together until the animal dies or something and then maybe my grandpa will have good enough karma that he can come back as a humanoid and then they can be together in some capacity if it is not too late. Maybe he can be her adopted child. I doubt they could be lovers because of the age thing, but it’s possible after he gets old enough in their world to comprehend and understand what love between people with that kind of age gap means and be able to consent properly. . . Hmmmmm. You never know.

I just don’t think they will still be here. And if they are?

Well. . .if they are. . .that’s kind of unsettling for me with my belief system. I would rather not feel their presence ever again so that I know they passed on to their next life. If I feel their presence, then I know something is wrong. And if something is wrong, it will take my focus off of school at a very inconvenient time in my pre-med program when I need to be kicking it into high gear more than EVER. And it will kill me because I will just be having breakdowns and panic attacks and losing sleep ALL THE TIME over the fact that they’re not okay and that something is wrong due to the fate aliens not allowing them to pass on for SOME reason. And then I would be spending time researching ways to help loved ones pass on to the afterlife or to gain good karma in the spirit world in order to move on. . .instead of using the time to do research for surgical things for school. It would terrify me if I felt their presence in that way. :(

I know that is supposed to be a comfort, though, so I very much appreciate that mention and I very much appreciate that though. All of that excessive explanation and elaboration is moreso geared at my pack of followers who need to be informed during this time of grieving that that is the wrong way to go about helping me if they want to help. . .which I really hope they do. Not many people have come forward to help. . .and that kinda kill me. . .so I’m just hoping more people come forward with support and help like this because this was extremely kind and extremely helpful and I cannot thank you enough. Seriously.

That is VERY good advice to not live in the past regardless of actively thinking about the memories. . .I actually did not think about or prepare for that. I noticed I have been, uh. . .recalling a lot of memories with them or at their house lately. I’ve been telling stories left and right irl and through texts. I have never really done that before. Not about my grandparents. . .Hell, I JUST did it with this post, didn’t I??? Wow. I feel like I’m one of those people that are going to get stuck in a loop of thoughts if I’m not careful. . .I have borderline personality disorder AND schizo-affective disorder which both lead to insanely bad paranoid thoughts and catastrophic thinking issues. I had both under control until my pain medication for my fibro and ehlers danlos got stripped from my for 2 weeks and until it became an issue to get it. . .and I had it under control until my grandparents decided to uh. . .y’know. . .get lung cancer and breast cancer and get life threatening UTI’s and drive into a gas station and basically start dying way sooner than expected and to screw up the plan that my mother and the rest of the kids had. (They didn’t choose it; I’m just joking. I deal with things with sarcasm and humour. Which I believe is going to be frowned upon during their death. . .) 

It was expected that my grandma would pass first and it would be swift and painless due to the Alzheimer’s. My grandpa wouldn’t last long after that because he would basically die of a broken heart. I’m not exaggerating or joking. Some old people legitimately do die of a broken heart when their loved one passes on. My grandpa would be one of those people. But my mom planned on taking him in and having him live with them and things would work out because my grandpa can mostly take care of himself. My grandma cannot. . .and if grandpa goes before her. . .my god, she’s going to be so panicky and so lost and so confused. Whenever he leaves the room, she gets extremely panicked and starts screaming his name and begging people to go check on him to make sure he’s not dead from this or that. He’s the only thing that keeps her grounded in reality with her Alzheimer’s. She doesn’t know what day it is, she doesn’t know who she is or what her birthday is, she doesn’t know who her my mom is, she doesn’t know who I am and I am her favourite niece/nephew in the family. . .but she knows exactly what her husband is doing at all times and she knows where he is and she knows if he has eaten and if he has taken his medications and she reminds him when to take his meds and all of these things. She could be lost somewhere, but if he’s there, it would be okay. Honestly, it never seems to matter where they are to her, as long as she’s with him nowadays. To him, it matters a fuckton. Everything matters. But with him going first. . . if my grandma doesn’t have that grounding thing in her daily life. . . . . .I have no idea what would happen. Because she won’t remember he has died no matter how many times they repeat it to her. She’ll be asking every hour or so, I’m sure. Probably more often than that and the workers at the home will have to keep repeating it to her over and over and over that he is dead and she will keep having to experience that trauma over and over and over. That’s............ that’s torture. I can’t imagine that. . .Whereas, if grandma went first. . .it would be peaceful. . .grandpa would grieve and eventually die of a broken heart and we would have the funeral in Massachusetts where they would be buried right next to each other. My grandpa wants to be buried under my mom’s “Nana” (idk how they’re related but my mom has always called her Nana and never by her real name. So idk.) so that he “can look up her skirt”. That was always his wish. So he gets the plot below hers. And my grandma gets the plot next to him. I cannot imagine being buried alone like that. . . .not even when I’m dead. I would have to be buried WITH my partner, not NEXT to them. Fuck no. One of my biggest fears is being buried alive. The fuck NO. Even after death, that’s not happening. But I’m not getting cremated either. I’ve already signed up with two organizations to have my body donated to medical students for study and to have my brain donated to a prestigious brain mapping organization which they will take ANY brain. Infected ones, ones with mental disorders, ones with issues like Alzheimer’s or Down Syndrome, from high IQ’s to low IQ’s, from people who have Ph.D’s to people who dropped out of high school, anything. They’ll take anything because there is absolutely nothing we cannot learn from examining the human brain piece by piece. And the fact it has to basically be fresh is a HUGE problem for brain mappers because the demand HIGHLY outranks the supply. And eeeeeveryone just LOVES to be an organ donor so everyone just immediately puts down organ donor on their card and never even THINKS to sign up for brain mapping or to have their cadaver sent to scientists for medical advancement or medical students for teaching purposes. Why the fuck save only a few fucking people who are going to die soon probably anyways when your organs may reject in them anyways. . .when you could literally use your own corpse to teach people who are alive invaluable things that can help them learn to help and to cure more and more things and more and more people. Why save only a few lives who will die shortly after you save them and may even reject your organs immediately and render them useless. . .when you could save thousands. . .millions. . .billions. . .maybe even be the basis for saving the entire human race? I have always said no to being an organ donor. I know vulcans and every other race in Star Trek has a problem with this phrase and even Spock himself has had a problem with this phrase in the series and has had discussions about it with Kirk, but I still believe wholeheartedly in it: “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.” And I know people are groaning and saying “Well, Killian, what about when you are one of the few?” Glad you asked. I am not going to say that I will selflessly suffer and die as a self sacrifice because that is not what my human body will allow me to do and that has been proven via multiple suicide attempts and by chronic pain. I know exactly how my near death experiences have all gone. I know exactly how being extremely uncomfortable goes to me. I know exactly how my body and mind deals with physical pain. I know exactly how my body and mind deals with the prospect of my own death. My flight or fight response kicks in almost immediately when my body starts to feel the effects. The problem being. . .I cannot remember a single time that my mind/body has ever chosen the “flight” response for ANY instance. My body/mind has ALWAYS chosen the “fight” response so whenever I start to feel it and it sinks in that I’m going to die or COULD die, I will fight for survival with every breath I take. I will do everything in my power to stay alive, even if it means taking people down with me. Even if it means compromising my principals. Will I use organ donors to save my life and still have the “fuck being an organ donor” principle ingrained in me? Yeah, most likely. Albeit I cannot predict that, I can certainly predict that based off of the fact that that is an instance that I generally act hypocritically. I am a HUGE hypocrite in those regards and I am well aware of it and I am quite okay with it. I don’t mind being a contradiction at all. I’m not harming anyone; I’m actually helping people. In every instance in which I am extremely hypocritical, I am never harming anyone. So it is perfectly okay for me to be contradictory like I am.

Anyways.... I went off on a tangent like that because I started to get bad feels and started to feel down so I thought I would distract myself with writing about something different for a second. . .And it worked. I feel back to normal. Ahh, the powers of venting and bitching and whining. The powers of a good tangent. Beautiful.

And yes I do believe it is INCREDIBLY important to surround myself with loved ones. . .but I’m not sure I know many people who have gone through the death of someone close. I know one person---who I happen to be in love with---who has lost so many people near and dear to her. I feel I can go to her. . .but I don’t really have anyone irl. I mean, I live with someone who has lost someone close to him. But I don’t want to burden him by coming to him and venting to him over the loss of my grandparents when it is probably insignificant to his loss and his problems. I need to learn how to deal with things better, but I guess the steps to dealing with things better is to experience things in the first place. This is something I have never experienced. Not close people. To experience death of people you’re not close with and strangers is one thing. . .but to experience the death of people you’re close with. . . .that’s something I have never gone through.

I wish my person could be there for me more than she is. I know she said she was going to try to walk away from me more because she can’t be where I need her to be in regards to being okay and her mood and her tone of voice and being snappy with me. . .but I really needed her to . . .moreso to. . .put all of that aside for me for however long this lasts (probably a few months) and just not get a tone with me anymore and try to keep her mood matching mine or keep her mood UP like I normally do even if it’s fake and to never snap at me and to just, above all, be there for me at all times. Just. . .selflessly be there to listen, as a shoulder to cry on, someone to snuggle. . .basically just. . .a friend who is going to put aside all their agony and pain for me for a few months and go to other people other than me when they need to get a tone, get angry, get snappy, cry, vent about their issues, and have massive mood swings. It’s asking a lot, I know. It wouldn’t be asking a lot if it were just for, say, a week or something. But the fact that it will probably be at least 2 months. . .and right now has no set end date. . .that’s asking a LOT of her. . .and I know that. I do. I was just sort of hoping. . . .I was hoping that, since she is my person. . .that she would do it. I don’t know why I got my hopes up and allowed them to be crushed like that. That was stupid of me. And it’s not her fault at all! The fact that she’s going to walk away from me from now on whenever she gets a tone/needs to get a tone/starts to get a tone/wants to get a tone, whenever she wants to argue or engage me for any reasons, whenever she wants to take her anger out on others, whenever she wants to vent her frustrations, whenever she wants to snap at me/anyone/everyone, whenever she wants to bring other people’s moods down to her level, . . .she’s going to walk away for all of that. . .But since an assortment of that usually happens on a daily basis, that’s going to hurt. A lot. To have my person have to disengage from me and walk away every day probably in the middle of a conversation. . .That is going to be truly painful for the first few weeks of it. But it is most definitely better than it continuing the way it was because I got SO close to actually attempting suicide the other night simply due to her. Nothing else. I mean, everything else was there. . .but it was just sort of. . .there. . .it wasn’t new, it wasn’t bothersome. . .it wasn’t a big deal. . .it was all just there as per usual and were all just big reasons to die that outweighed any reason to stay alive. But I was solely focused on the reasons she was constantly giving me on the daily, whether they were directed at me or not. It was awful. Being someone with borderline personality disorder and not being able to control my life-destructive-level impulses is horrifying for me and everyone around me and everyone who knows me. So for her to support me in this way---the only way she can right now---is exactly what I need. I’m hoping that maybe when my grandparents do actually pass and we all see how I actually react finally and I will actually need her there more than anything (I think. I just don’t know. I may want to be alone and may shut everyone out or may even run away from home and sleep in my car or on the streets for all I know.]. . .maybe she will start responding how I need her to the day after as well? I fully, 200% expect her to respond with total and complete support that day/night. I expect her to watch me for suicidal behaviour, watch me for cutting, stay with me if I need someone to hold me, stay with me if I need someone to talk to me, stay with me if I need someone to just.... watch Friends with me all day or something equally lighthearted, check in on me emotionally (or literally if I’m okay enough to be left alone) every hour or less, to give me lots of hugs, to be EXTREMELY sensitive to everything going on regarding me, to not get any sort of mood or react badly to anything and I 200% expect her to show support and love and radiance and kindness and not any of the normal snippiness and darkness and sarcasm and hatred. I will be absolutely shattered if she tries to bring me down to depressed or suicidal like she normally does. Absolutely shattered and at that point, I’m sure that will be it for me. I 200% expect her to try to keep the mood jovial as much as possible even if she is not feeling okay. I expect her to do everything she can for me. I expect her to get things for me and basically, uh. . .be my maid for the day? HAHA. Okay, no, I don’t expect THAT last part. Just kidding! I do expect her to fetch me water and shove it in my face to remind me to hydrate, though, because I will be dehydrating easily that day and I do not want to end up in the hospital that day because I would surely get admitted to a ward if I were there ad talked. So having bottles of water shoved in my face every once and a while would be extremely helpful so I kinda expect that of her, too. But. . .also, not, because that’s not totally common sense? Whereas the rest of this is? Idk. I just need her to be..... an amazing friend and I need her to cry with me, laugh with me, hug me, hold me, pet me, be there for me, listen to me vent, listen to me ramble about pointless things, not interrupt me, just. . .listen to me go on and on, even if she doesn’t understand me while I’m crying, listen to me tell stories even if I tell them twice because I probably will because I will WANT to tell them twice to make it seem more real that they happened at all,. . .I really need a listener that day, all day. Someone to snuggle and listen to me. I may even need someone to sleep in my bed with me that night. I may even expect her to sleep in my bed with me that night, permitting her boyfriend allows it. Not like we haven’t slept in beds together since they got together. It’s not a big deal. He doesn’t mind at all, despite the fact we are ex’s. He’s a very good boyfriend and knows her well and knows me well and knows our past and trusts us both. I’m his little brother in a sense of a platonic relationship where I am not blood related to him and the girl is my ex girlfriend, but moreso. . .my person, my platonic soul mate, my best friend. We are all friends and I consider them family. I’m 100% sure he would allow her to sleep next to me that night and I’m partially sure he would let her hold me till I fell asleep that night, given the circumstances and the fact that I do not have a partner to do that nor do I have my therapy dog here to do that for me. . .which kills me. I’m missing having both at this hard time in my life. I will be getting Echo soon, but I probably won’t be getting a girlfriend or two any time soon. Especially not before my grandparents pass on...........sigh. So I need SOMEONE to hold me while I fall asleep that night. . .and I hope that my person will do it.

At least. . .this is all in theory how I am going to react. I don’t actually know. It could go the opposite and I could end up being completely silent, getting angry at her and everyone else, and shutting out the world in my room in the front room and just asking everyone to leave me alone for the day and to not get offended when I ignore each and every one of them. Or maybe it’ll be a mixture of both. One first, the other late. Or back and forth, back and forth, mood swings. . .? I just don’t know. I have NO CLUE.

But you’re definitely right. Surrounding myself with loved ones is the most important thing. I want my mom to be apart of this and I want to be able to support her but I probably won’t even get to see her until the funeral. . .if I can even make it.

Okay. . .well. . .now that I’ve exhausted topics to go on LONG tangents about. . .. . I’m gonna stop ranting now. . .I really do think I’ve exhausted my distraction topics. . .

Thank you SO SO SO much for sending this to me. You have no idea how much it meant to me to get this yesterday. Seriously. You are a godsend. I do not know how to thank you. <3 

[phakjira198]

2020 Recap

Most people won’t reminisce the year 2020, but they’ll probably look back and think what a shitty year it was, with covid-19, lock-down and abysmal economy. But for me personally, 2020 wasn’t all too bad. I’ve learned a lot from this year. This year was like a roller coaster for me, a lot of ups and downs. A lot definitely happened, most of them are new things I’ve never experienced before. I mean, I think the reason why 2020 was not so bad for me is because I like who I am now. I think I’m a lot more stronger, a lot more confident, and a lot less tense than who I was in 2019 or earlier in 2020 itself. So here’s a list of recap of what happened and how it has changed me. 

JAN 

1. Stressing about a side project that I had with Pat, Ammy and Dao, called Thunder Bolt (I think) 

2. Went to Perth and Melbourne, Woo hooo. Perth was a lot of fun; we stayed at an AirBnB and cooked every night. The lamb chop was wicked. There was a bush-fire when we went to Melbourne but it was still fun. 

-> at this point I was so sick of Arts and Museum lol. (because I over did it in Tokyo last year 5555)

3. Exchange decision: debating between Dartmouth, USA and Groningen, Netherlands. Made countless list of pros and cons. In the end, I decided that I need the sun and can’t stand only 7 hours sunlight everyday for a month in Groningen, so choose Dartmouth instead. Anyway Him pissed me off so much about deciding where to go, peeps keep pressuring me to choose because my grade is high. In the end it doesn’t even fucking matter bitch, you just need to ace your interview, which I did and got a full score baby! 

-> I just remembered that my Mac went cra cra and I had to change my screen. Thank god that I had Apple care otherwise, I’ll have to pay like 21000 Baht, but instead I got it fixed for free eiei. Anyway, I went to Australia without my Mac and I think that’s probably the longest that I’ve gone without my mac. 

FEB 

1. Lot of school work, according to my monthly calendar 55555. Had to prep for the exchange interview and everything as well. And had champ thingy as well. 

2. Had a weird, random, study date-ish session with Pat. I don’t think he think of it as a date, he just wanted to study and I’m a somewhat useful resource ( or at least I hope so) -> because of working with him in Jan and like whatever the fuck happen in Feb, I started to develop a crush on him (again! jesus woman). But this time it was different, cause I actually told people about it, and by people I mean Tam 5555555. Anyway it was because on Valentine day, Tam, Por, Ohm, and I (we were all single, so sad) went out to celebrate the fact that we got to go to Dartmouth. And I was not very alcohol tolerant back then (notice the back then part, cause girl I can handle my alcohol nowadays 555), so when they asked me whether I liked someone or not, I hesitated and they spent the entire night try to figure out who. Later on that night when I got back home, I told Tam wa who 55555. But like it was just a crush, I didn’t like like him. Cause I don’t really know him well enough for me to “like” him. 

3. GOT MY FIRST CAR!!!!, aka Stacy. But haven’t really got the change to drive her yet 555555555. The story behind how I got the car sound very privileged. I didn’t noticed it at first, but then went I told Ming what happened, she was like what a rich people way, and I’m like oh yeahh. So I stopped telling the story 55555. Anyway, I’m gonna tell it here again cause only future Jessie will read this post. 

MAR 

1. Midterm during the first week: so nothing much, just studying 

2. Drove my car for the first time after mid-term. Took it to uni for like 3 times and then number 3 happened 

3. COVID-19 hit baby -> online studying ->  I was enjoying life as fuck. My introvert self was striving. I was playing piano, doing arts, keeping a bullet journal. Watching shit load amount of studio Ghibli and other movies. 

APRIL 

1. Pretty much the same as march. To be honest, they kinda merged together cause you can’t really tell time when you’re at home all the time. It’s just like school holiday. 

2. Cheesy Avocado. Worked a lot on this joint-project for my 3 classes (software engineering, database system, ICE capstone). Spend a lot of time calling with Tam, Party and Nat. Shout out to Party for being a good PM; we would have never finished the work without you, and if I was the PM I would have drove myself crazy until the work is finish, you really help my mental health 5555. 

3. Songkran that doesn’t feel like Songkran at all. Had all my classes as usually, and didn’t get leave my house. ToT 

MAY 

1. Final the first 2 weeks. Got a chance to work on a killer report for my history of animation class. I wrote an almost 20 pages report on “Whisper of the Heart”, a lot of it are my own analysis from scratch, so I’m very proud of it eiei. 

2. Prep for Agoda -> I was very lazy to do this. I procrastinated it to the very last minute and didn’t even finished it properly lol. 

3. Went out for lunch with friends for the first time since the pandemic at a Korean restaurant in Siam One. (Had a record driving time to Siam at 12 minutes I think) 

--> I think May was like boring af. Nothing really happened that much. 

JUNE 

1. Started my internship at Agoda as a data engineer in the Messaging team. It’s a part of a bigger team called Agoda Data Pipeline, and I worked on a project called improve Kafka Offset Monitoring, where I implement this new feature called “time lag”. I wrote a blog post about it but never actually posted on Medium 55555. It requires too much work man. But I first started the internship we had to work from home, because of covid-19, which was depressing as fuck. It was not fun at all!!! To top that off, it was difficult and I was lazy and just no no. Then we got to start working at the office on the 21 of June and that was a lot more fun and everything. I really enjoyed working there. 

2. Grandma passed away on the 19th of June. Thank god that I was working from home then cause I was crying my eyeballs out and it did not look pretty. But it wasn’t as bad as when P’Rin passed away (where I cry for non-stop 3 days and had to missed a trip that I was supposed to go on), because we were expecting it to happened. It was out of the blue or anything. The doctor asked whether we want to ฝอกไต her or not and the family agreed that we don’t want to put her through anymore pain, so we decided that we’re not going to do it. And the doctor said that if we’re not going to do it, then all we can do now is wait for her to go. I was in her room (well almost the entire family was) when her heart stopped beating and I think grandma was happy that we were all there. 

-> nothing much else. Just hangout with people, ทำบุญให้อาม่า and just work. 

JULY 

1. Continue with the internship. At the Internship they had this thing called the the intern pitched competition and my team fucking won. (I probably already covered this in another blog post, so I’m not going to get into the details here). Anyway, we won 6000 Baht and spent it a Japanese restaurant in Gaysorn Plaza. 

2. Finished up the internship project towards the end of the month. 

3. Went drinking multiple time at Groove 5555. 

AUG 

1. Went to Koh Kood, it was so goooddd (pun intended 5555). A couple of days  after the internship ended on the 5th of Aug. The trip itself was fabulous, pretty beach and fin food. But the weather itself wasn’t particularly good, but that’s okay. 

2. Started talking to a guy for the first time (Woo Hoo!). It was all fun and game until somebody loses their mind (and that somebody just happened to be me, SAD) But actually I haven’t lose my mind in August yet. August was a lot of fun, I really liked the version of myself was talking to him. I was open and honest and wasn’t afraid that he would judge me. We had like 3 cute calls, but that was it 55555555. I called him on his BD at midnight to wish him happy birthday; I was cute as fuck. Just think back about it is making me blush, and boy did I blushed a lot. I’ll probably write more on the experience later in another blog post. 

3. Started my senior year at uni. But this time it’s a little different because your home girl is a TA as well. I have the power to influences a the grade of a sophomore, felt powerful 555. We still had to do online studying, although I don’t really think it was necessary at that point, cause there wasn’t really new cases and people were out and about like normal just with their face masks on. The classes that I took this sem were good as well, I actually enjoy all of it, especially Stochastic and Optimisation, which makes me consider studying my master in Operation Research, but will still have to do more research on that 55555. 

4. Worked on the Global sustainable development SDG goal competition thingy, and we got into the final 10 rounds. But we didn’t win 5555555, but it was still great cause I made a new friend. (which is really rare for me 555) 

SEP 

1. Your home girl 20!!!! I’m now officially legal and can drink and buy alcohol in public casually, which I am enjoying 555555555. Let’s just say I drink now 555. Btw I cried the night I turned 20 because I didn’t want to. I don’t want to grow up and I don’t want to become an adult, but I guess we can’t avoid it and we’re just going to have to embrace it instead. Also I think I was crying as well because I expected something from prime, I don’t know what I was expecting and keep telling myself that I didn’t expect anything but that’s not true. I did. Anyway he sent me a voice message and was the first one to wish me happy birthday eiei. And you guess it, I blushed bitch. 

2. Shit also went to hell this month with the Prime stuff. Specifically on the 25th of September, where Millie told me that Prime told her that he likes her. And that he asked her to watch a movie and eat out (which he never did with me wtf bro). So when that happened we stopped talking, like literally stopped after that night. The last thing on our chat was me sending him the brown bear confetti at almost midnight on the 25th and that was it, we never texted each other again. Which was really sad ( I mean sad for me but and easy way out for him), because I never get to know what happened, why it happened, and I didn’t get to scream at his fucking face. I eventually did in a dream later in December, which leads to a fucking closure after a 3 long and depressing months. (I just want to say, Fuck you Prime) 

3.  Nothing else really happened that much but studying and love stuff. I was so fixated on the love stuff though 5555, but can you really blame me; it was my first time actually liking a guy not having a crush on him. (You know what just thinking about what happened my eyes are tearing up 555) 

--> Just 

OCT 

1. October was a month of tear. Jessie was experiencing her first heart break; earlier this year back in July, Jessie just told Millie that she has never experienced heart break before in her entire life, but now she does. What a growth man. I did not enjoy the experience one bit, it was depressing, and just bad for me in many aspect. I tried to summoned stone cold bitch Jessie and killed of soft Jessie, which ultimately lead to me feeling numb and just plain sad. I lost inspiration, I just don’t enjoy the little shit like I used to; let’s just say I was not in a particularly good place. The only way to maintain my mental health was to run. And thanks to the free personal training that I got from Mr.Prime when we were talking, I started running more. 

2. Midterm. Got full score for introduction to stochastic modelling bitches. I remember going to Sea life right after Stochastic exam and just try to get my shit together. I really thought that I had picked up the pieces together but I really hadn’t, it was only 2 and half weeks since it happened. I was rushing into healing too much and didn’t know that these things take time to heal. Screw you knw for telling me that it only took you a week to get over Tam, that was total bullshit, and I tried to used that as a fucking standard, which just killed me. 

3. Skinny Bitch Jessie emerged. I lose my appetite because of the heart break so I ate a lot less. Actually I think I consumed a normal amount of what an average human being should consumed, I just ate way too much before 55555. And like with all the running, my weight got down to like 50, 51, which is the skinniest I’ve ever been since I got to uni. Maybe even the skinniest I’ve ever been since year 11 as well.  

NOV 

1. Shopee GLP application. I didn’t get the job but it was a great experience. I learned what a case interview, and thinks it very oppa. The process of preparing for it was fun, but I wasn’t totally into it because I was still dead inside. And still have no passion, no inspiration, no motivation, no goal, and everything because of what happened in the last 2 months. The only reason why I wanted to job was because I wanted the money 5555555. 

2. Won DevDisrupt Hackathon 2020. Ter did most of the work though, but it was still a lot of fun, and something that I could add to my resume 5555. 

DEC

1. HAPPY JESSIE IS BACK BITCHES!!!! I LOVE December Jessie; she’s STRIVING. Thank god I got my shit sorted out before the end of the year. She is once again enjoying life, feeling inspired, and motivated. And she’s doing all this while she is dressed to the nine every single fucking day! 

[lamujerarana]

so I'm watching Corman's FF and it's bad, but I love it and I think it's my fave FF movie and I wanted to know what you think of it?

I also love it a lot! There are so many things to love! Thank you for giving me an excuse to rewatch it, lol.

I would recommend the 1990s FF animated show if you liked that! I actually think the show’s better once you get past the first season. There are some really terrific episodes.

Some thoughts: 

Reed and Victor being actual friends in college who cared about each other is good! There’s SOME justification for this in 616 canon – specifically the flashbacks in Claremont’s Fantastic Four vs. the X-Men, although other writers have seen things differently.

Why Ben, a jock, is sitting in on Reed’s advanced astrophysics class I do not understand. Was he just taking it to keep his boyfriend Reed company?

The Storm boardinghouse, run by Johnny and Sue’s mother! Which makes zero sense in 616 canon where Franklin Storm was a rich neurosurgeon until his wife Mary Storm died in a car accident, but there are certain 616 writers who didn’t get the memo (RAS – that was just…careless and sloppy on his part, but clearly he was basing it on this film).

Oh, my god, the opening scenes featuring teeny tiny Johnny with Ben and Reed are just INCREDIBLY cute. I wish 616 comics actually for once showed us how Johnny met them! How has no writer ever bothered showing us this?!!!

Cut for length.

I still hate Byrne’s ReedSue origin and am glad it is no longer canon because it never should have been.

No, but, really, tiny Johnny is the cutest, can he be in everything?

Okay, but Harmony from BTVS as little Sue is cute too. 

Victor and Reed just mad sciencing and freaking everyone out.

I love how Ben sees weird scifi lightning in the sky and immediately knows it’s Reed who is responsible. And then, of course, runs TOWARDS the creepy lightning like a not very sensible person because he’s afraid Reed is/will be injured.

I honestly like Reed’s involvement in Doom’s accident! It makes everything between them seem so much more personal and real than just, “Victor’s colossal ego cannot stand the fact that there is someone else in the world as brilliant as he is.”

Reed’s horror and concern for Victor as Victor’s being electrocuted, Ben saving Victor’s life! Victor’s (supposed) death! Which Reed feels responsible for! And cries over! Ben hugging Reed gently as he cries about Victor’s death! This Reed just has so many things to feel guilty about. It’s so Reed.

“Hi, Mrs. Storm! Can Johnny and Susan go to outer space with us?” Reed needs a crew for his spaceship…so Ben talks him into showing up out of the blue and asking two people he knew ten years ago when they were little kids and who have zero experience as astronauts. How could this go wrong? 

…I still find this ReedSue origin VERY unsettling.

Mrs. Storm randomly giving them their future team name pre-spaceflight is…A Choice.

I generally enjoy the Mole Man but I do not enjoy this Mole Man.

Ben falling in love with Alicia the second he sees her! Lifting her in the air like that! Reed teasing Ben about it! It’s cute! I approve. 

The whole spaceflight mission being in honor of Victor!

…Reed really talks about Victor as though he’s his ex…

Doom actually looks like Doom which is a plus.

I don’t know how much I like the spaceflight accident being the result of deliberate sabotage. I think it works better in the original. Here there’s just…very little for Reed to feel guilty about, while in the 616 version, well, he wrongly calculated that the ship’s shielding was enough to keep the cosmic rays from affecting them. He put his faith in the numbers, and he learned too late that they can sometimes be wrong and that some things cannot be predicted or accounted for. In this film, he never learns that lesson.

THANK YOU FOR ACTUALLY DEPICTING THE CRASH AS A TERRIBLE TRAGEDY THAT THE FF ARE LUCKY TO HAVE SURVIVED, WRITERS, AND ALL OF THEM AS FREAKING OUT OVER HAVING THEIR BODIES ALTERED IN TERRIFYING WAYS WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT.

I like that Reed immediately picks up on the fact that there’s something off about the fact that they’re all in one piece despite crashing all the way from space. Really, they should not have survived this. Also that the FF are stranded alone in the middle of nowhere for days after the crash before they’re found by anyone.

I do like that they gave Alicia a fairly major role, even if I like what they did with her significantly less. I truly loathe the “Powerful man kidnaps and tries to coerce woman into being his bride!” trope because it’s really just saying that the man wants to rape the woman without actually saying it, and can the story arcs of less female characters be about rape – explicit or implicit, please?

The little montage where Dr. Hauptmann’s trying to take blood samples from them and growing increasingly anxious and terrified is pretty funny. Johnny freaking out EVERY SINGLE TIME he flames on is especially hilarious.

Victor…really likes creepily groping people’s faces.

Dr. Hauptmann’s inclusion is a nice nod to 616 Doom’s pet Nazi scientist.

It takes Reed far too long to piece together the fact that there’s something fishy about the people who rescued them.

I like that they have Reed do the little chin stroking thing that he always does in the comics.

I like that Reed tells Ben to knock out the prison guards with a single look and Ben immediately knows what he means.

I don’t really like Ben immediately settling on his “It’s clobberin’ time!” catchphrase -- in the comics, it was several issues before he came up with it.

....there’s....no explanation for how the FF got back to the U.S. from Latveria...did they get on a flight?

The FF’s uniforms being one-piece leotards is...an odd choice. I actually don’t know how much I like Sue making them their uniforms so soon because that happened only after a few issues in the comics -- they weren’t planning on using them initially, and from what I’ve read Lee/Kirby weren’t necessarily planning on ever giving them uniforms at all. 

There also just doesn’t seem to be any discussion about them becoming superheroes here -- Sue just makes the costumes -- with a ‘4,′ btw, despite the fact that Ben had, apparently, left them -- without talking about it first. I like that the FF all jointly DECIDED to become heroes in the comics -- they didn’t necessarily have to go down that route.

Doom using a regular gun is just...odd.

Victor and his creepy face-touching make a reappearance. Poor Alicia. Apparently, she’s just in this movie to be creeped on by creepy men.

Someone needs to explain to the actor who plays Doom that less is more when it comes to hand-acting. Seriously, every syllable he says, he accompanies with some kind of gesture.

Sue and Reed confessing they love each other in front of Ben and Johnny and then being interrupted by Johnny, perennial third wheel, is hilarious.

Reed freeing himself and the others from the forcefield prisons Victor put them in by literally kicking the generator over is also hilarious.

“It’s nice to meet you” in much-too-pleased, even turned-on tone from Alicia, right after she feels Ben’s rocky skin the first time. Oh, Alicia, you and your thing for uniquely textured men. (I just got to Byrne’s run in my FF readthrough, and he’s really going hard on the “Alicia loves the Thing, not Ben” theory, which has certain implications I’m not totally sure he considered.)

The special effects -- especially for Johnny -- in this film are very hokey and very 1990s.

How is Johnny flying in space? No, really, there’s no oxygen. Never in 616 canon has he been able to fly in space.

Reed and Sue’s wedding! I love their wedding.

[cyanpluto]

Tagged by @fleetofshippyships​ (who is fantastic btw and you should totally follow if you love good fic writing, esp harry potter and merthur)

Rules: you know the drill, answer the questions and tag 20 people (or whatever)

Nickname(s): None, my given name is boring

Gender: Female

Height: 5′ 4″

Time: 5:15pm

Birthday: Dec 18 baby!

Favourite Bands: Rubber bands!! jk, I don’t pay attention to bands. “Too Many Zooz” is good, give them a listen, and I guess I listen to a lot of Imagine Dragons

Favourite solo artists: Todrick Hall, Shawn Mendes, Lindsey Stirling

Song stuck in my head: “Death of a Bachelor” and “There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back”

Last movie I watched: The Last Jedi (I’ll admit, I really liked it)

Last show I watched: rewatched some Danny Phantom and gonna watch RWBY tonight!

When did I create this blog: March 2017

What do I post: um reblogs of interesting things, weird stuff my husband or students do (there’s hardly any original stuff here, I don’t know why people bother sticking around)

What did I last google: juneau dmv (finally getting my surname changed!)

Other blogs: @the-persephone-to-my-hades, @rwbyredslippers, @quotesfromscripture

Do I get asks: minimal, which is sad (I would like some friends pls!), but I guess I have to make content to earn them

Why did I choose this url: a) it’s a reference to the Accel World anime b) I was obsessed with dwarf planets and New Horizons’ mission to Pluto c) cyan would have been one of our wedding colors if we bothered

Following: 555

Followers: *nervous laughter* 45

Average hours of sleep: 5-6 when I’m working, but during break I’ve been sleeping in 4 hour nap intervals for some reason

Lucky number: I make my own luck

Instrument: tapping excitedly on random surfaces

What am I wearing: the rwby shirt my husband got me and some work pants

Dream job: I am LIVING IT. The stress is shortening my life span, I can feel it, but teaching is SO WORTH IT

Favourite food: waffles, but really I love food in general, donuts are my weakness

Last book I read: that...is a good question...I’m more of a manga and fanfic person. “Woman With a Blue Pencil” by Gordon McAlpine was the last book I really liked, I’d recommend that

3 favourite fandoms: only 3??? Yuri on Ice, RWBY, Danny Phantom...Attack on Titan is an honorary mention because of jeanmarco

And now to tag. Feel free to ignore if you don’t want to. I don’t think I even know 20 people on here. Below are lovely peeps who show up in my activity and who yall should go follow!

@lady-chou, @in-the-ghost-mode, @bringobaggins, @yay855, @absolutepileoftrash, @ace-the-ghostie, @che1sea-xiao-long